my first love left me
when he realized that i'll never be quite as whole
as when he first met me
my first love left me
because he did not know that every day spent with him
was me sharing bits and pieces
of my once whole self
my first love left me
after teaching me that sharing was caring
that we were forever, always
my first love left me
without saying goodbye
with memories of false promises
with an aching heart

i. i wonder if you cared that i missed you when you constantly left but came back like the tides meet the sand for a second but you see, the difference between them and us is that they'll always be together because the moon knows they're meant to be
but what about you and me?

ii. the sun is always calling up the water to the clouds just to kiss the ground again but even you wouldn't take orders to see me again
and darling i've been feeling quite the drought without you
but who am i to force you to give me
life again?

iii. maybe someday i can imagine a future without you in it
waking up to a difference face
and wearing hoodies that smelled more like home than yours ever did
one day
i'll find it in me to forget you and everything that you are
but not today, my dear.

‪i think i silently vowed to never feel the pain of my entire world shattering again ‬

because i can't seem to conceive the thought of someone reaching into my chest and opening up my heart again

because like a thief he came into my home he stole everything i've ever known

because i don't have anything to share with anyone anymore

for fear that these walls i have worked so hard to put up
will be taken down in the blink of an eye

because he forgot to lock the door when he left

because he never said goodbye