Isnt it weird to think that we will never live this exact moment ever again
Slowly we age and all we have left are memories of what these moments felt like.
Pictures
Songs
Letters
They bring back more than memories they bring back feelings.
Which is good and bad depending on the memory.

"You're better now right?"
"Yes."
That is the biggest lie
You can't just get better from suicide.
You can't just get better from depression.
It always sits there haunting you.
Waiting for you to fail
Again
And
again
And
Again

Whats hard about life is that you don't get a time out or a chance to catch your breath.
You have to keep playing.
Life isn't like a game.

I was looking at this piece of broken glass and I started laughing
Because me and that piece of glass have a lot in common.
I used to be
S H I N Y
Now I'm
d u l l.
I used to be apart of something
Now I'm just pieces.
I used to make up maybe
A window  A door  Art  Stained glass.
Now instead I'm just broken pieces.
People used to be able to look through me and enjoy the view on the other side.
Now people only see the dust and lies and filth and brokenness of me.
I'm trying to piece
m y s e l f    back together.
But I know that it's too late.

I'm so excited for the outcome.
But getting there is going to be torture.

I found some jeans in my closet
They are from last year
I got really excited
I decided to try them on
They didn't fit over my thighs
It really made me cry
I know I have gained weight
These jeans are just another reason why
I am going to give starving another try.
I will fit into those jeans
Even if I die trying.
They hang in my closet with a smile
Just mocking me as I stuff my face with food. They are killing me. I'm killing me. Food is not worth it.

If you feel hungry
Drink water.
Drink as much water as you can.
Still hungry?
Go take a shower.
Take four showers for all I care.
Still hungry?
Draw a picture.
Paint your toenails.
Do anything except eat.
Someone just offered you food.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to eat it?
Are you going to waste your whole day?
Eating doesn't help anything.
You aren't even hungry.
You are the problem.
Why would you make yourself fatter?
Why feed the problem?
Stop.
Put it down.
Say no.

This is what I go through every single day.
I am getting so tired.
It *****.