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081716

Inagaw ko ang silya kay Itay,
Nagdabog at nagkalansingan ang hain Niya;
Nilisan Siya kahit may habilin pa.
Nagmamadali ako, ayokong mahuli.
Pero ang oras, Siya pala ang Eksperto.

Nadapa, nasugatan --
Umiyak ako sa sobrang sakit.
Di bale nang pagalitan ako ni Itay,
Gusto ko lang talagang makauwi.

Kaya't bumalik ako,
Hindi ko napigilang mas umiyak pa
Nang yayain Niya ako sa Hapag-kainan.
"Kain na, anak."
Parang walang nagbago.

Alam ko, bawal ang "Tayo"
Kaya umupo ako sa silyang alok Niya.
Saka na ako tatayo,
Ayoko na kasing mauna.
Bahala na si Itay.
All those times, I've tried to hold my heart
I found it beating in minutes unknown
No words to tell you face-to-face
'Til we've seized this moment
Sending tears in Heaven's rest

Deep within, I have hidden these tears
Of months of pain, so sweet as I'm in vain
Until true love has cast out fear
A love more than earthly's paints
A love, keeping no record of wrongs

I was led to you for a purpose
But now's the time to let go,
To let the Spirit flow
Bringing this crazy feelings into halt
For love was not yet home

I cried w/ countless tears
Three days seems painful years
Where am I? Who am I? All I see is fears
Found my soul searching for You
Leaning for Truth to set me free

But now I woke up in Heaven's rest
As if the pain is all gone
As if it's all done
And now I..

I can overcome
Days of mourning has ended
I can dance w/ Your waves of blessings
This is the joy of pain
The power in Your Cross, I gained
You're more than enough (just more than enough)
Your grace and love, welcomes me in Your arms
You live in me, You brought me home

Again and again, I am restored
All of my days, You rescued my soul
Day by day, I'm born again
Like a child, I died in your embrace
Now, Your breath is my life

And so I sing a new song
This is infinite praise
The sound of surrender
The rythm of grace
082216

Many crowns I once wore
I thought once;
Until my head got hit, several times.
More than a migraine of hopelessness,
More than those thick clouds
That blocks the sun today.

You have written Your Words into my heart
That I may not sin against You.
But somehow, I've forgotten You;
This pain of getting too many crowns,
I became a clown w/ so many frowns.

Your crown of thorns,
Isn't it my victory?
That You died for me
That Your love was so selfless
That You unfold my loss
So I could gain Your cause.

I'm on my knees
But still, You saw me in glittered tears.
And so I asked,
"How come You're still rescuing me?"
You saw me in my mess,
And told me, I'd passed the test;
In my brokenness, I long for You
In my weaknesses, I thirst for more of You.

Now I release everything;
Those crowns that I've kept so much,
Those crowns that I prayed for years.
Unto Your feet, I lay down defeats.
They're not for me, but You are for me
You call me by name,
You're my crowning glory.
081216

Saturday --
My 5.5 hours trip was full of intense prayer,
All the time, I tried to hold my heart.
It was thumping in minutes unknown,
For I have no words to tell you.

We faced each other
After months of changing routes.
And then, we uttered tears to Heaven.
I had a glimpse of you,
So you'll know it's really me
You're talking to.
But deep within,
I hide the tears
Of months of pain
So sweet as vain.

You drove me home,
With clueless words
With cheerful emotions.
You stayed,
For it wasn't a closure
But a second chance.

Sunday --
I know we heard the same preaching
Of forgiveness and pain.
Of experiences that cast out fear,
Of true love, more than earthly's paints.

I tried to search for you in the crowd
Just wondering if you're not gonna hang up.
I went home, without your goodbye.

Monday --
I felt the Spirit's conviction
And so I get my phone
I was praying that you answer
So that words will be bound home.

I found my words too straightforward,
Now we just have to let go.
To stop this crazy feeling,
For love was not yet home.

I passed by with memories
Of the past hurt and the new restoration.
I thank God in my heart.
But I was still hanging,
As I wait for your word.

All the time I've been waiting,
My feelings got confused
And I wanna hold on to us.
I became a beggar of love,
Though I beg Him to take this love.

I thought you were gonna fight for me,
But you let go so easily.
In a moment, I was in tears
And everything was shuttered in me.

I was crying all the time,
Praying that you'll stay.
My heart was a stone
But God held me so tight
And in the end, calmed my soul.

Tuesday --

I cried over and over again
I was in total shock of pain.
Drowning with regrets of letting go.
What was in my mind
That I did set you free?

I cried countless tears
I was torn into something's not me
But I found myself searching for answers...
Searching for Truth to set me free.

Wednesday --

I woke up in Heaven's rest
As if the pain was all gone.
As if it's all done.

The Lord has comforted me
The Lord became my refuge.
He took away the pain
And love me as who I am.

Days of mourning have ended
My soul dance with waves of blessings.
I am blessed to undergo pain
For grace and love have brought me home.

Thursday --

The Lord has granted me peace
He has destroyed every weapon
That I may live by His grace
And live life as He had lived.

I was born again
Again and again
And day by day,
He utters, "Rest, my child."

And so I sing a new song
To laud my Lord
With infinite praise.
081216

When you learn
To let go of
"Your something,"
God will surely release
*"His something."
080416

Para akong sumusuntok sa hangin noon,
Noong bigla kang nagpadaig sa ihip nito.
Sana tinangay na rin pati ang damdamin,
Mas masakit pala kasi iniwan **** may pait.

Para akong sumusuntok sa pader ngayon,
Ngayong sabi **** hindi naman nagbago
Pero ang sakit na ng mga kamao ko,
Nasusugatan ako
Pero pilit akong kumakatok
Sa puso **** malaki ang pader.

Para akong sumusuntok sa punching bag,
Pinipilit kong husayan kahit dumadaplis ako.
Kapag  nangangatog ang tuhod ko't napapaluhod,
Sabay ang luha sa tagaktak ng pawis.
Pero muli akong bumabangon.

Para akong sumusuntok sa unan,
Gusto kong mamahinga
Pagkat pagod na ang puso.
Masakit na ang mga kamao
Naaawa na ako sa sarili ko,
Kaya't pipilitin kong pumikit.

Kailangan ko ng tulog na mahimbing
Oo, iiyak na naman ako
Sinusuntok kita
Hindi dahil galit ako;
Sinusuntok kita
Kasi kahit pagod na
Sayo nais mamahinga.
080416

Ilang beses na akong sumusulat ng tula,
Nagbilang ng talatang puno ng metapora,
At naglaan ng kuwit sa humihingal na mga pangungusap.

Ilang beses na akong humukay ng alaala,
Mabigyang buhay lamang ang reporma ng katha,
Makaniig  lamang ng puso ang mga mambabasa.

Ilang beses na akong nagtapon ng papel,
Naubusan ng tinta't napurulan ng panulat.

Ilang beses ko nang sinabi saking sariling
"Hihinto na ako sa sa pagsusulat."
Bagkus sa bawat pintig ng puso'y
Tanging Ikaw ang pamagat.

At sa bawat pagsalin ng lenggwahe ng damdami'y
Ni hindi masilayan ang binagtas ng pusong marupok na.

Ilang beses na akong nagtula,
Pero paulit-ulit ang tugma,
Ikaw at Ikaw pa rin ang pamagat.
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