My anger comes
In the form of tears.
I control myself
But the tremors take over.

My anger comes
In the form of silence.
I control myself
But my thoughts run wild.

My anger comes
In the form of weakness.
I control myself
But they don't know that.

My anger comes
In the form of control.
Because I know
The havoc I could wreak.

Works like a cliff hanger
Dropping off her lips
Don't ask her where she's been
She's had a lot to miss
                                        She wanted to feel free.                       So she broke apart her wings
    She tore away the things that made her heavy
The ability to fly was a burden on her shoulders
Knowing that she could not get away

He held her back by pinching her wings
Holding her in every way but gently
She would shatter if he'd stop holding her

For once she was ready to let go
To render her pieces to fly

She left her heart behind
She said "I" more often
She became icy hot
She was slick as rain

She was
She became
*She is free

Behind a mask
Is a face best hidden
Eyes that lie
And lips taste of deceit

What is in a name
If it is never spoken
Power that sleeps
Under the open.

essences of fire
and ice
        keep wanting
to burst out of me
it is so hard to know
where to end
how to start
           the rivulets
    the torrents
           turn them on like
                   a waterfall faucet
they are there,
the opposing elements
lurking, ready
just under surface
waiting to ooze, pour
secret inner filth
spilling endless
crusty lava
onto the naked
rough-hewn floor
along with purest
of lightbeam

hard to pinpoint
the moment
I knew I loved you
what love
is actually supposed to be
bubbling and frothing beneath
              ice floes, melting
                         hot wax sliding
                      I do not know how
                           to prevent this
          dripping exhaustion
of elongated membranes
from imploding
into the truest
form of encapsulated longing
sharpened pangs
spit-roasted
upon the fibers
of my brain, of my heart
my pain in stop starts
stop no go on
I can't take it
I want it all
can you feel me?
I want it all, I say
thrumming hotly
down
      to
           the last
wild drop
of
  eternity

Having my coffee on the porch
Just basking in the morning light
A peaceful time until my eyes
Were drawn above by light so bright

Thousands of previous mornings
Never once took my breath away
As I gazed up in amazement
On this illuminated day

I saw the vision of my soul
A breath, a glimpse as pure as gold
The light illuminates my mind
In God's tender love I enfold

I closed my eyes to better see
My heart was open, lips are sealed
Right to an inner higher place
Where new perspectives are revealed

In the innermost part of my being
I prayed to let go of any resistance
And I felt such peace washing over me
As I recognized love behind all existence

You gave me candy on the school bus
Gobstoppers, as I recall
I shoved it in my mouth and smiled
We were children
I gave you a kiss in return
In high school, we were inseparable
Till I went to the academy
Then you were there everyday afterward
We were too young
You were my best friend,
You loved me, once
Then you hit me
I was too free for you, I suppose
I didn't love you like that but,
I wanted to keep you
For your smile and candy
Maybe you thought you could beat love into me
I don't know
You hurt anyone who I called friend or family
Shedding blood
Theirs, and mine
Still, I honored our time
I had vowed to
So you needed me again,
As you lay in that hospital bed
I went to you, as the child I once was
Brought you and your blood drenched hands back home with me
You wanted more than I could give, my childhood friend, husband
You weren't content with just a companion, best friend
So you took my freedom, my sunlight

We vowed till death
And that's what you gave me

Once again torn in two.
To go or stay.
To love or hate you.
Struggling to keep the doubts at bay.

It seems so silly to have so much pain,
we were so willing to throw it all away,
just yesterday,
can I really erase that from my brain?

Why is it when the sun shines I want to be here?
Why can't I stay mad at you my dear?
I go from wanting to hurt you,
to sticking to you like glue.

What is it about this place?
Making me at once both miserable and complete?
Maybe it is the pain that makes my heart race.
Maybe I'm an addict, making happiness a herculean feat.