my head spins in bed
i have made up my own mind
it means you're thinking of me in that moment
and for once i'm happy the world is shaking
behind my closed eyes

i'm thinking of drinking my weight in *****
so the world never calms
and you never stop thinking about me

because i have never stopped thinking about you

i miss you
in the plainest of cliches
between smoke breaks during work
when taking trains to unfamiliar locations
when i meet new people who share your name

you put love into me
yet left nothing but dry blood

every thing relates back to you
i ate you up
and now i'm having trouble digesting

i no longer get drunk under the sun
in public parks where children play
talk to girls who get on their knees for fun
and fight boys who are more broken than me
i grew up in a city
with too many faces
for any one person to stand out
you grew among fields
and still to this day
i'm tortured searching for your face in the crowd

you're in my veins and i can not get you out
you're all i taste at night inside of my mouth
you run away because i am not what you found*

i miss not knowing what your favourite song is right now
if i did i would memorise every word as i fall asleep tonight
i miss not knowing what you're reading so i can ask about the characters and watch your lips move as you speak
i miss your body
having it to hold
whether i'm too hot or cold
i miss your shallow collar bones
and drowning inside of your eyes
i'm trying so hard to forget
i'm thinking i never will
at times i don't want to
sometimes i think i could be happy with you living inside my head forever
but memories fade
the way you faded from my arms
and i feel more alone than ever without you to wish me goodnight or make me eat breakfast in the morning

hangovers last so much longer
the flu goes on for weeks
high blood pressure causes migranes
the night drags on like primary school
the day stings my eyes
i have washed my pillow eleven times
yet your scent still likes to stay
smoking hurts my throat
no one argues with me to quit
music sounds off key
books are no good
poems make my head throb
other peoples conversations bore me
i'm always alone

i am finally understanding
that you are never
ever
ever
coming back to me