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E Nov 2014
you're in my veins and i can not get you out
you're all i taste at night inside of my mouth
you run away because i am not what you found*

i miss not knowing what your favourite song is right now
if i did i would memorise every word as i fall asleep tonight
i miss not knowing what you're reading so i can ask about the characters and watch your lips move as you speak
i miss your body
having it to hold
whether i'm too hot or cold
i miss your shallow collar bones
and drowning inside of your eyes
i'm trying so hard to forget
i'm thinking i never will
at times i don't want to
sometimes i think i could be happy with you living inside my head forever
but memories fade
the way you faded from my arms
and i feel more alone than ever without you to wish me goodnight or make me eat breakfast in the morning
E Dec 2014
i am learning that love is all around
intertwined in every aspect of life
like falling asleep
and how it is incomplete
unless your name is lit up behind my eyelids
or when a child falls
running to a mother's arms
crying because he never made it and still got hurt

terrible things happen in this world
and the universe watches me decide
1. i wish i had never met you
2. right now i want to tell you
3. all i want is to ******* forget you
3%
E Nov 2014
3%
i miss you
in the plainest of cliches
between smoke breaks during work
when taking trains to unfamiliar locations
when i meet new people who share your name

you put love into me
yet left nothing but dry blood

every thing relates back to you
i ate you up
and now i'm having trouble digesting
E Nov 2014
a boy waiting patiently at the train station
he lights up a cigarette
can't smell the flowers in his hand
over the smell of petrol

i don't remember what happened
when i saw you
arms stretched, bodies entwined
happy tears, nose kisses

i never did meet you at that station
but if i did
i would still be locked in your kiss
E Aug 2015
My hands were sweaty and my stomach practiced summersaults
I wished for my body to fall into a black hole of space and time;
until this was all just a memory. I longed to be flooded with relief
I don't remember how we said hello, or if she asked how I was
Her lips were ruby red.
She once told me Sunday's were for band t-shirts and your boyfriend's sweats
I used to provide the latter
Now I don't focus on who does
She spoke a lot, I smoked a lot
She hasn't grown up much between our years of separation
Did I expect her to? Do I really mind that she hasn't?
She's still the same, she'll always be mine
In a parallel universe I'm waking up next to her
Butterflies bursting from my stomach as she pulls a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt over her head.
As I said goodbye all I was thinking was 'who the **** listens to Jethro Tull anymore?'
9/8/2015
E Nov 2014
you were so quiet
and then you were so loud
you tore through my life
like a plane through a cloud

you splashed your paint on me
like i was your own colouring book
you decided what you liked and hated
then you tore the pages up

i told you 'sometimes mistakes make perfect art'
but you didn't believe me then
you just smiled - oh god, that ******* smile
let me give my life to see it again
E Nov 2014
my head spins in bed
i have made up my own mind
it means you're thinking of me in that moment
and for once i'm happy the world is shaking
behind my closed eyes

i'm thinking of drinking my weight in *****
so the world never calms
and you never stop thinking about me

because i have never stopped thinking about you
E Jan 2015
do you still think it was real what we felt
or are you embarrassed by its very occurance?
do you accept it as victory or defeat?
did you kiss anybody on new years eve?
you must type my number into your phone
wanting to hit call but then you don't
or are there pages of words written for me
that break you a little to know i'll never read?
if you can't sleep at night what the **** do you do?
do you wonder if we both have an intamacy issue?
was it depression or was it just me?
drawing lines and measuring distances so we couldn't be real
if i told you right now that i am sorry
i don't know if you'd respond 'me too' or 'don't bother'
i used to know you inside out
now i have no new memories to store in my head
it's funny how i worried about breaking your heart
and completely forgot that i had my own to tear apart
still no amount of jager makes me tell you i miss you
so either i don't or i'm still the coward you fell in love with
#thisisawfulgotosleep
E Jan 2015
when i think about you now it's mostly physical
i struggle to remember conversations we might have had,
when you complained about your job i would reassure you
you made jokes repeatedly yet i never found you funny
you would teach me about the constellations
but not in a romantic way
more a 'why don't you know this already, are you dumb?' way
you never spoke about how you found your brother's body
when you were younger, you never asked how it felt to lose a mother
it was through knowing you that i now understand comfortable silence
today i live two streets down from you
i'm older and i wonder if you'd recognise me
now that i'm as broken as you were
E Nov 2014
mid-day showers
i'm grooming myself for another girl
as sweet as fourth of july pie
but i always preferred the fireworks
now you're a notion in my head
a hologram of scenarios that never even occurred
i haven't cried in twelve months
or wrote a poem since april
but still when i put pen to paper
the words have your taste all over them
sighhh
E Aug 2015
i think i dream about you, sometimes i don't remember
when i wake i can feel your presence,
like you crept into my bedroom
when i was still asleep
dug your hands into my chest
to see if i still breathe
when you felt a beating
you didn't wait around
to hear it still unsteady and skipping

so i wonder - does your smile do that to another heart now?
E Nov 2014
i no longer get drunk under the sun
in public parks where children play
talk to girls who get on their knees for fun
and fight boys who are more broken than me
i grew up in a city
with too many faces
for any one person to stand out
you grew among fields
and still to this day
i'm tortured searching for your face in the crowd
E Nov 2014
if I could be given a new mind
I'd never have to think of you
if I could get myself a new heart
I wouldn't even remember you

your silence
was an earthquake
a calm before the storm
what happens to the love that's left over
after two has become one?
E Dec 2014
every so often
when the streetlights disappear from the motorway
stars appear in a sky far from the city
i found one and hoping it was still alive
i wished for you, you, you
until i saw my reflection in the car window
and wondered what kind of God
would ever grant a wish like that
ots
E Nov 2014
i like the way your eyes
have seen too many
late nights

i like the way
your lips can never
feel a kiss

i like the way
you don't give a ****
who i am or where i've been

you would swallow
an ocean if it meant
it would save me
but you are not to one who's lungs i want filled with dirt
you are not the one with whom i want to leave this earth
E Nov 2014
you're not supposed to be this mean
to the person that you love
you aren't supposed to be so
passive-aggressive
who hurt you
when your heart was still growing?
it was not me i was not born
written on the spot
E Dec 2014
you're every lump in my throat that i swallow down
in December you're an abandoned seaside town
you're the ghost who loves her reflection to be cast on my wall
i'm still waiting for you to be nothing at all

i'm the unknown number in the middle of the night
i'm in the eyes of a boy who you're thinking just might
make you feel the way both of us once did
i want to be a shadow beside you and forever i'll live
E Nov 2014
i was good at things;
like going to school and making my parents proud
you were good at things;
like kissing my neck in a drunken daze
and holding my hand behind everyones back
i think i loved you and that is why i began to hate you
i was never good at hurting people
until i was hurt by you
E Nov 2014
hangovers last so much longer
the flu goes on for weeks
high blood pressure causes migranes
the night drags on like primary school
the day stings my eyes
i have washed my pillow eleven times
yet your scent still likes to stay
smoking hurts my throat
no one argues with me to quit
music sounds off key
books are no good
poems make my head throb
other peoples conversations bore me
i'm always alone

i am finally understanding
that you are never
ever
ever
coming back to me
E Jan 2015
you're still studying but the only part
that you really like
is having the title 'grad student'
to help you avoid the nine to five

you think you could get out of this town
if in the morning you find a way out of bed
you can't decide if you love the girl infront of you
or the one that is still in your head

mood swings become your personality
you used to think you were losing your mind
if you have no direction or purpose you know
you'll be the very one that they will never find
E Nov 2014
i remember when you would beg me to read to you
in the early hours of the morning
when conversation had kept us awake
i could tell you were smiling by the sound of your exhales
although my eyes never moved from the words on the page before me.
we would make love
until you were too tired to finish a whispered 'goodnight'
i would follow you into dreams
my last and first thoughts always of happiness

this was a long time ago
before i left you, before you left me

that's the thing with love;
it changes
it begins like a fire
embers and smoke
until it's Winter
you're alone
and the smell of ash is making you remember
everything you wish you could forget

— The End —