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sorry for all the things i’ve said
about hatred and stuff.
feelings don’t make sense anymore.
i heard you sent screenshots
of our conversations
to cooper,
and i don’t know who else.

i only wrote those things
because you hadn’t been active
on hello poetry.
i thought you were done.
maybe you will be,
i should stop checking.

i’m glad you’re doing better than me.
it’s not hard though,
when your competition
is only still alive
because of a stupid pinky promise
to her mom.

i think i’m gonna
skip some school tomorrow.
i have another doctor’s appointment,
and my mom has off
so we’re gonna hang out a little.
it was her idea,
probably because her child
wants to die.

i’m sitting in the wawa parking lot
because it’s too early
to go in for my shift.
so i’ll just sit here.
have a good practice,
or a bad one,
i don’t know
if i’m allowed to care anymore.
Happy Cinco De Mayo
Enjoy bebidas and fiestas
Never minded a stormy rainy day
Ice and snow you can have
All tbe RAINY
Day song lyrics echo and play in my mind as I walk
Syncopated circles all around me
Flowing water soft and slow
Then hard and fast
Waiting for Thunder and Lightning?
You wonder if tbe sky is having a good cry?
It's refreshing and quiet
Untill the rumble comes
Raindrops
i've watched you die one thousand times
in one hundred different ways

still, i can't decide which is worse
what my mind creates at night,
or, what we found that day

this reoccurring theme of mine,
all that i've catastrophized,
comes out at night to play

sometimes, my mind
makes me watch you die -

a masochistic gift for me

sometimes, it's that i know you'll die
and i can't warn of what i see

once i dreamt you faked your death
to prove our lack of care
you didn't even tell your best friend, Steve
he was just as confused and unaware
"i knew it! you guys don't love me"
you screamed, as i stood there

my mind still fights the guilt i have
but it rears its ugly head

i woke up on my 25th birthday
crying, from the torments of my bed

the dreams that make me pause the most
are where you live
but you're not you

you're angry, and hurt, and you're like a child
and you won't calm down to speak to me
and i don't know what to do

but i know why i have that dream
it's my soul's decline of guilt

because if that's what we saved you for
our lives couldn't have been rebuilt

my mind wanders to that night
staring down the stairs

it's my mind and it pleads with me:
it's better we weren't there
some of the dreams i've had since my dad's death in 2021
the colors were still bright
and i could hear the sun
and draw my deepest thoughts with chalk
i didn't want for anyone
hop-scotch on the driveway
chasing runaway ***** down the hill
hide-and-seek 'til we got called in for lunch
then right back outside to chase a thrill
the most i feared
in my younger years
was being kissed by bumble bees
mixing potions with the berries
we picked from climbing trees
if we missed a knot and skipped a step
a cartooned bandaid would pay our debt
or a push-pop from the freeze
we were reckless with our hearts
and our minds got off with ease
the worst of it
that we might get
was strawberries on our knees
It’s not happening as you expected? So what? How do you know that what you wanted to happen was for the best?
Embrace the challenges. Embrace the unexpected. That way, you’re unstoppable.
I know it's hard sometimes. But we can grow so much! 💓
In the high heat of Persia
The land of off milk
And tainted honey
You can't tell as the feast begins
Your palate unsuspecting
You think it exoticness

They keep feeding you
Way past the bursting
With a funnel jammed down your throat
Then trap you between
Two hollowed out logs
With holes for your arms to poke through

Trapped in surreal crucifixion
You **** and you puke
Laid befouled in a traumatised haze
Then of course the insects and small animals come
After a couple of days

To begin the meal of a lifetime

The end has begun
Think of the torment to come
Laying there in the reek
Helpless as beasties creep
In darkness you weep
For there shall be no relief
As your devoured
Over a matter of weeks.
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