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You have
Hurt me in ways
Deeper than my real
Father could

You said the words
But they were heavy
And empty
I thought that you'd teach me how to love
Instead I learned how to fall out of it
overthinking, overwhelmed, under appreciated

if you love someone you’re supposed to notice them
telling her that she’s beautiful more often doesn’t lose its meaning,
the lack of telling her, makes her feel meaningless
saying that you will feel like it will sound forced makes me feel meaningless
if you think it all the time, why the **** would it lose its meaning?
i am not beautiful
i am not enough
and i will never be enough
‘cause you pay more attention to them,
when i’m in bed crying myself to sleep over and over and over and over again
you’ll drop everything for someone you’ve only known for a month when they’re not okay,
but you won’t bother to drop everything for me
you’re supposed to be there for me
you’re supposed to help me
you’re supposed to ******* be there

i can’t find the strength to fight for people to stay
august 16
5am
it’s been a bad month
You occupy my thoughts repeatedly,
I think of you at nightfall.
You're my bright light in the dark,
My brilliant wonderwall.

I think about you so frequently
that I can no longer recall,
when I first started thinking of you,
my beautiful wonderwall.

You're on my mind so often,
I remember telling myself I wouldn't fall.
But when I saw your smile for the first time,
I fell in love with you, my wonderwall.
I am completely infatuated with you, I think about you a lot.
Last night I dreamt I took you back
Yet even in my dreams your heart is black
Just as quickly you turned your back
Which is why picturing our future was faded black
and it feels like commitment.
and that begins a tug-of-war
inside me.
i want to give her to give me all of her.
but that means returning
the priceless gift.
i want to open myself, let her inside.
but how do i give what has
always been taken?
i want to know what it means to be in love.
but in my dictionary, “in love”
is undefinable.
Rain pours down.
Loud, abrupt, consistent.
Water covers ground.
No light in the distance.

Thunder screams in the air.
Lightning cracks like a whip.
Through the sky the bolts tear,
Overthrowing every ship.

This poem may be hard to decipher.
Just as hard it is to keep your head above water.
Some people's minds are cozy and warm...
But mine is a complete thunderstorm.
My thoughts are powerful.
Her eyes were laced,
Laced with pure gold,
Shimmering in the moonlight rays,
So elegantly beauteous in the night,

Her smile shined,
Shined brighter than all the stars in the sky above,
Seeming so real,
Yet it was painted on by an angel,
An angel who wished to hide the demons,
The demons within her,

Her voice hints of mischievous,
Of uncertainty and of mystery,
So soft,
Yet so cracked,

Her thoughts blackened of smoke,
Smoke that poisoned her every waking thought,
Smoke that was so lethal,
So suffocating,
She couldn't take a breath,

Yet those demons,
And those angels,
Hide in the darkness beneath,

Her eyelashes were lengthy,
They blinked in the rhythm of her,
They fluttered as she blinked at me,

As the daylight swooshed in,
The light of honesty showed,
Her eyes no longer laced with gold,
Now they were purely dark,
Purely dull, no shimmer to be seen,

Her smile had washed away,
Her cracked frown now prominent,
Prominent on her exhausted face,

Her voice was full of anxiety,
Hoarse from the fight she's giving,
Soft, yet dark,

Her thoughts were as silent as she,
As silent as she wished to be,
For the pain overtook her,
Held her entire life hostage,

Her mind was the prison,
And she was the inmate,
Paying for the guilt she lived in,
Every second of every day,
Costing her the privilege,
The privilege of happiness,

And so,
In the moonlight,
Try and look harder,
For you may see the pain.
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