I find it so weird how the sight of someone can change how you feel depending on their history in your life. You could look at them a month ago and your whole day became light and easy, and now they walk into a room and you have to fight off the feeling of worthlessness your mind automatically associates with them. Like a weird kind of muted ptsd. They don't even look any different, and maybe they meant to hurt you and maybe they didn't, but either way they remind you of feeling broken. Being happy around people you associate with pain is an olympic sport I swear.

penny presents: the most generic poem ever written

what more can i gain from pretending it does not slowly **** me to be in the same room as him

just your classic "I care about nothing but the arts but my parents want me to make money and unfortunately I got good grades in high school so now I'm stuck as a miserable stem major"

Two years ago I went through a very painful breakup. I didn’t let my own mother hug me for almost the whole two years. Nobody was allowed to touch me anymore. This year I finally found someone I couldn’t get enough of, and I let him in. But then I started letting everyone back in very quickly. Way too quickly. My family and some close friends were shocked that I was suddenly asking for affection. I couldn’t let go of him. I felt safe with him. I hadn’t felt safe under someone’s touch in two years, especially a man’s. I understood again what I had been depriving myself of. He never believed I wasn’t a touchy person beforehand. And it was so brief that it shouldn’t have gotten to me the way that it did. But it had been so long since I was held. Anyway. He doesn’t hold me now. I don’t know if I could let him if he tried.

Hang on still brainstorming

you know that scene in the grinch where he yells “I’m an idiot” into the cave and the echo yells back “you’re an idiot!”. That’s where I’m at right now lol

how do you turn off your feelings, asking for a friend

Brainstorm over for now, I wrote nonstop without thinking for a couple min and now im over it lol.

WHY CANT I PICK A NEW RHYMING SCHEME OH MY GOSH

This started like a year ago as a song I was going to write but I only got half a verse in before I abandoned it in my notes. Found the abandoned note today and decided to try to turn it into a poem.

Luke 23:34

Fun fact: adhd brains tend to feel feelings like 481902329 times deeper, which is actually ****** terrible because there is no calm, there is only an addictive high that always crashes to a rock bottom low. That's why suppressing your feelings is such a great coping mechanism :))))))))))))))))

what’s it like to live a life you enjoy

sorry if you thought anything interesting was happening in my life but this is literally about having a pet cat even though you're allergic

tough week

I learned the word spurn today