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170 · Jan 2022
Unmet Expectations
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
He looks at me
Only to see
The lover I
Could never be.

- p. winter
167 · Apr 2019
daisies
Penelope Winter Apr 2019
a thousand barren daisy heads
are strewn across the floor
each more gruesomely dismembered
than the one before
and so i sit
and so i cry
and so i watch them rot.
not e'en a thousand daisy heads
know why you loved me not.

- p. winter
166 · Dec 2021
Little Bird
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Little bird, it was not yet
Your time to meet the sky.
How eagerly you leapt and, oh,
How oft for you I cry.

- p. winter
imagine thinking the time has come for you to move forward in something only to find out you jumped too soon and now youre actually right back where you started except now you've tasted what it would have been like and it makes the regret for how certain you were all the more powerful because you feel stupid for how surely you thought you were right lol **** that would ****
166 · Aug 2018
Untitled
Penelope Winter Aug 2018
an evil thing
to dream of love
at night where all is well
only to wake
and find yourself
still stuck in daylight’s hell

- p. winter
166 · Jan 2022
Pain by Association
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
Fascinating, isn't it,
How the sight of you was once all it took
To melt away the wax inside my knees.
How your eyes locked with mine and, without fail,
Monarchs took flight inside of me,
And the afternoon sky filled with stars.

And yet
I see you now
And my joints stiffen in the cold.
With every step you take,
I feel you leave
All over again.

- p. winter
I find it so weird how the sight of someone can change how you feel depending on their history in your life. You could look at them a month ago and your whole day became light and easy, and now they walk into a room and you have to fight off the feeling of worthlessness your mind automatically associates with them. Like a weird kind of muted ptsd. They don't even look any different, and maybe they meant to hurt you and maybe they didn't, but either way they remind you of feeling broken. Being happy around people you associate with pain is an olympic sport I swear.
166 · Sep 2017
Untitled
Penelope Winter Sep 2017
i am an iceberg

there is more to me than meets the eye

but even when surrounded
by those made of the same values

i can feel myself
slowly melting

away

until i am exactly
as i seem

- p. winter
166 · Oct 2017
I Lie
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
I lie in every word I speak
But in no word
I write.

- p. winter
165 · Sep 2017
Sleeves
Penelope Winter Sep 2017
I wear long sleeves so that my scars
Don't make anyone uncomfortable
Because heaven forbid
Someone should know
I was ever less than happy.

- p. winter
164 · Feb 2022
kiss me once again
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
kiss me once again
sing to me
touch me
eagerly
grab me
i beg you
kiss me once again
pull me in
don’t speak
whisper
find me
take me home
kiss me once again

- p. winter
penny presents: the most generic poem ever written
164 · Dec 2020
Sutures
Penelope Winter Dec 2020
Time and time again,
I let the laces unravel.
Sutures over a scar
Beginning to fade.
My heart, at last, starts to open,
And then, inevitably...
The laces snap,
The scar bleeds,
And I have to heal again.

- p. winter
161 · Feb 2022
The Last to Let Go
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
I swore to move on,
But chagrined I must tell
I still sleep on the grounds
Where you shadow once fell.

- p. winter
159 · Oct 2017
Untitled
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
i'm tired
of this ache

my skin burns
my mind cries

i don't miss you,
i just miss being happy

- p. winter
155 · May 2019
Untitled
Penelope Winter May 2019
I’m not easy to love
Don’t expect me to be
I’ve got bruises and baggage
And boundaries
And I might make you yell
Or I might make you smile
But if there’s one thing I’ll make:
I’ll make it worthwhile.

- p. winter
155 · Oct 2017
Shadows
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
Too many times
I've watched you
From the shadows,
Trying to forget
That I no longer
Can join you
In the sunshine.

- p. winter
155 · Oct 2017
Rain Clouds
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
Maybe thunder is just rain clouds
Calling for someone to cry with.

- p. winter
153 · Sep 2018
Untitled
Penelope Winter Sep 2018
you are the sun and i the moon
for your radiance gives warmth and life
and only when i reflect your glory
do i become my best and brightest self

- p. winter
152 · Aug 2018
Untitled
Penelope Winter Aug 2018
you will never love me in this lifetime
you will never love me while I am awake
so why wouldn’t I want to close my eyes
and be with you in my dreams forever

- p. winter
151 · Jun 2019
Untitled
Penelope Winter Jun 2019
Trace your fingers down my arm
Make a stop at every scar
Kiss them kindly
Help remind me
Life is better where you are
- p. winter
150 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Penelope Winter Nov 2017
i write untitled poems
when what i wish to say
cannot be
synopsized

- p. winter
150 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Penelope Winter Jul 2019
Sadness meets me every day
A new disguise put on display
Making sure where’er I go
I see him in each face I know.

- p. winter
150 · Aug 2019
Untitled
Penelope Winter Aug 2019
A gift from heav'n
To bless my life
A man for whom
Is no worthy wife

But must I choose
'Tween he and He?
Two loves
True loves
Dismemb'ring me.

- p.winter
149 · Jul 2018
Feelings
Penelope Winter Jul 2018
I have feelings
Not for you
But for who you used to be
I still have feelings for the you
That had feelings
For me

- p.winter
149 · Feb 2018
Untitled
Penelope Winter Feb 2018
a woman of little remorse
for all the suitors she dismissed
when she knew the one she longed for
was herself

- p. winter
148 · Nov 2020
Work (haiku)
Penelope Winter Nov 2020
I wish for my work
To bring a smile - and smiling
To not be such work.

- p. winter
148 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Penelope Winter Nov 2017
a hummingbird lives in my chest
your voice is succulent nectar

- p. winter
147 · Feb 2022
Untitled
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
more often than they should
my eyes land on you

they see your hair and flood my fingers
with memories of snaking through it

they see your neck and my lips tingle
yearning to kiss it again

they see your waist and my arms long
to wrap themselves around it
to breathe in the comfort
to dwell in the warmth

your hands
your laugh
your eyes
your clothes
your every move
they torture me to see
but i cannot look away

i shiver with want
but watch in silence

just too far away to hold you
for if i could
i’d never let go again

- p. winter
what more can i gain from pretending it does not slowly **** me to be in the same room as him
143 · Jan 2022
Untitled
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
mama needs security
and papa wants maturity,
but grateful as I am for their
abounding generosity,
in giving me the world
they took my only world away from me.

- p. winter
just your classic "I care about nothing but the arts but my parents want me to make money and unfortunately I got good grades in high school so now I'm stuck as a miserable stem major"
142 · Oct 2017
Scars
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
my wrists are scarred
with memories
that only I remember

how easily you open the wounds
how reluctant you are
to heal them

- p. winter
142 · Nov 2021
Unspoken Agreement
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
I’d like to think we had an unspoken agreement
That our time together was not long enough.

But we remained silent and watched it end.
And maybe it was easier that way.

- p. winter
142 · Nov 2021
you are everywhere
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
i lie within a patch of sun on my bed,
the sound of a guitar in the air around me,
and gaze across the street
while children laugh and dance at school

i am alone
but you are here

in the sunshine by my window
in the music that i play
in the laughter and the dancing
in the pavement ‘cross the way


i stroll through familiar streets
the cold biting at my ears and fingertips
i keep my eyes down and do not look at the trees
but i feel it in my heart when i pass the very one

i walk alone
but you are here

my hands cannot be cold
when they are rested in your own
the tree blooms in november
from the warmth that it was shown


i close my eyes and hope to dream
of anything but you beside me
for waking to an empty bed
would only rip my scarring heart open again

i sleep alone
but you are here

not only in the comfort
and the slowly fading light
but in the rosary i prayed for you,
and still do, every night


you are everywhere
and yet i am
alone

- p. winter
how do you turn off your feelings, asking for a friend
139 · Feb 2022
Untitled
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
perhaps i only miss
feeling desirable
feeling beautiful
feeling valuable

feeling like someone somewhere
looked at me and saw more than
noise and fear

perhaps i only miss
who you made me think i could be

she left when you did

- p. winter
139 · Oct 2017
Untitled
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
you buried yourself into my skin

and now, no knife can

dig you out

again

- p. winter
138 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Penelope Winter Nov 2017
and there's a smirk in your poker face
that screams
even the emotionless
can love

- p. winter
138 · Dec 2021
Loving You is a Reflex
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
*******.
I want to yell and cry and break something when I think about him.
But I accidentally happened upon a photo of him.
And I smiled.
Without thinking, I smiled.
And my first thought was
“There he is. Look at him go.
Look at how he can, just by sitting,
Draw the attention of the world.
As if the sunlight changes direction
Just to keep him from the shadows.”
And then I remembered.
And I yelled
And I cried
And I broke my favourite mug.
Because, despite my best efforts,
I cannot hate him.

- p. winter
Hang on still brainstorming
137 · Dec 2021
Touch
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
For years I closed my heart
And, in turn, my arms as well.
But you held me once
And now each day
Without your touch is hell.

- p. winter
Two years ago I went through a very painful breakup. I didn’t let my own mother hug me for almost the whole two years. Nobody was allowed to touch me anymore. This year I finally found someone I couldn’t get enough of, and I let him in. But then I started letting everyone back in very quickly. Way too quickly. My family and some close friends were shocked that I was suddenly asking for affection. I couldn’t let go of him. I felt safe with him. I hadn’t felt safe under someone’s touch in two years, especially a man’s. I understood again what I had been depriving myself of. He never believed I wasn’t a touchy person beforehand. And it was so brief that it shouldn’t have gotten to me the way that it did. But it had been so long since I was held. Anyway. He doesn’t hold me now. I don’t know if I could let him if he tried.
135 · Nov 2021
echoes
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
you know how badly i want you here
how badly i want you here
i want you here

say it again
say it again
again

how badly do you want me there
how badly do you want me
how badly

enough to come home
come home
come home
home

i am here
i am here

you know how badly i want you here
i will always be here
always

- p. winter
you know that scene in the grinch where he yells “I’m an idiot” into the cave and the echo yells back “you’re an idiot!”. That’s where I’m at right now lol
134 · Nov 2021
Lighthouse
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
Plenty of fish in the sea,
Or so she was taught to believe.
Men come and go, like the tides and the waves,
But she almost drowned trying to get them to stay.

She kept them proud and warm
And waited out their storm,
Now she's pacing the shore with her heart in her hand,
Only one pair of footprints is left in the sand.

Maybe she was meant to be
The lighthouse for the lonely.
For again she is left with the moonlight above,
Watching the waves for love.

- p. winter
This started like a year ago as a song I was going to write but I only got half a verse in before I abandoned it in my notes. Found the abandoned note today and decided to try to turn it into a poem.
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
how many losses can I bear
before I lose myself

- p. winter
There is no particularly dramatic, traumatic event taking place. But enough little things add up. Losing people, losing your job, losing marks, losing your mind, it’s only a matter of time before the little losses consume you completely.
133 · Nov 2021
I Hate Feeling
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
We all want the highs and we all want the lows
Of emotions to which we succumb,
But when high is elation and low, devastation,
It's easier just to go numb.

- p. winter
Fun fact: adhd brains tend to feel feelings like 481902329 times deeper, which is actually ****** terrible because there is no calm, there is only an addictive high that always crashes to a rock bottom low. That's why suppressing your feelings is such a great coping mechanism :))))))))))))))))
131 · Nov 2021
The Loving Thing to Do
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
The loving thing to do
Is take your heart and mine
In separate hands
To gently break together.

But if I wait and dare pretend
The ending is not written
Then our hearts, each on their own,
Will only shatter.

- p. winter
131 · Dec 2021
Chameleon
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Some people in the world are simply loved.
By everyone.
And usually they are the people who will become whomever the person in front of them wants them to be.
But even still, they walk through life and know that, whatever happens, they will be fawned over.
And it’s annoying but it’s true.
And they don’t always deserve it.
And sometimes you watch them change right before your eyes and think “how could I ever know which one of you is real?”
Like watching a chameleon change colours so many times you forget what it truly looks like.
But regardless, you fall for the version you get.
Because it is hand crafted for you.
Personalized.
And you wonder how you can be sure you love something so uncertain.
And then you lose it.
And you think… oh.
That’s how.

- p. winter
Brainstorm over for now, I wrote nonstop without thinking for a couple min and now im over it lol.
129 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Penelope Winter Jul 2019
This body
Has been with me
For as long as I have lived

Why must it
Betray me so

- p. winter
129 · Nov 2021
Another Week
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
If you had not reminded me
The choice we made is right,
I'd have run back to your bed
With twenty poems more to write.

For even at my strongest
I am nothing more than weak,
And I gladly would have suffered
Just to have another week.

- p. winter
WHY CANT I PICK A NEW RHYMING SCHEME OH MY GOSH
127 · Dec 2021
Dice and Clothes
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Father, forgive him,
For he knows not what he does.
Cast him not aside
With the thrown dice
And torn clothes.

Forgive me, Father,
For it is I who knows,
And it is I who throws
The dice and clothes.

- p. winter
Luke 23:34
126 · Mar 2022
we the forgotten
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
we fade to hazy shadows
     with the darkness and the cold
we acquiesce to blindness
     without lover to behold
we lose ourselves to yearning
     with no prize for being bold
we leak into tomorrow
     with our hearts of rot and mould

- p. winter
what’s it like to live a life you enjoy
125 · Jan 2022
Untitled
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
Your presence, twice the pain of what
Your absence e'er could be.
A ******* of sorts am I
To keep you close to me.

- p. winter
sorry if you thought anything interesting was happening in my life but this is literally about having a pet cat even though you're allergic
124 · Feb 2022
Untitled
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
How long does it take
To fall out of love?
I count the hours,
With both eagerness
And dread.

- p. winter
123 · Dec 2021
Involuntarily Sentimental
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
My memories so wistful,
          As I grab them by the fistful,
Glint with melancholy ire,
          As I throw them in the fire,
And my desperation spurn,
          As I watch them fail to burn.

- p. winter
I learned the word spurn today
122 · Feb 2022
Untitled
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
once upon a time
he would have pulled me down the hallway
away from all their eyes
just to hold me for himself

now we pass each other
without speaking a word
separated by all that we
will never again be

- p. winter
tough week
122 · Oct 2021
Jazz
Penelope Winter Oct 2021
You smile at me and, suddenly,
I find I understand
The little plan you must have just devised

To make me fall for all of you
You take me by the hand
And show me how love songs are improvised

- p. winter
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