I can be patient.
But of the rest, I'm not certain.
Yeah yeah, go on ahead.
I'm so stilled as I watch you.
I am freed, and I am brighter-
No...I never stopped burning.

You are there...
but not here-
As usual- and...
that may never change.

But.

This is better than dying.
I can live with this. For now- say it twice-
And again. Breathe. And again.
It lives... it Breathes... it Feeds...

It lives.
This is better than dying.
This HAS to be better... than dying...


Stuck yes.
But im not lost anymore.
I'm just afraid of taking a direction
That leads further down
The deep and darkest rabbit hole.

My heart ached

For a voice I couldn't unhear.
For a touch as familiar as the suns light.
For eyes that could only see my soul.
For promises I could never hold him to.
For answers to questions I couldn't ask.
And for comfort I didn't deserve.

But most of all my heart ached to just not ache
For one day
For one hour
For one minute
Without him.

And the problem was that
While I was always without him
My heart ached

And ached

And ached

And ached

And has never ceased it's aching.

Frustrated; my mind unreeling
How my soul craves the feeling

My very blood rushes, coursing.
Flesh burning, crawling, scorching.

To be desired, felt, and held
Fingers whispering all words withheld  

All before believed fictitious
Reality found between these kisses

The sweet peace of after thought
My breath gone; all of it you sought

My eyes only into yours, do stare
Even in my dreams, eternally, I swear

Like knives chilled
And dragged
Along my cheek..
The first tears fell.

And silently I wondered
If they would stop
At anytime before
My aching heart.

Maybe the deterioration of my mind
Is worth the temporary freedom
From the walls I've built
Around my thoughts.
A loosened tongue
And no fear of tomorrow.
I wish I could live every day
Like I've been drinking all night.