My mother told me that you can't cure depression,
that taking pills wouldn't fix me and taking six instead of the one the doctor prescribed definitely wasn't going to speed up the process. But then I met a boy who tasted better than Sertraline. He made it easier to get out of bed. He kissed me like I was alive, like I wasn't empty, like maybe there was something left inside me. He made my bones ache less when he touched me. He made it okay. When my world was crashing down around me, he picked up all the pieces. When I stopped breathing and tried to tear open my veins to find the last bits of happiness left in my veins, he was there to lace me back together. But he left and I haven't washed my hair in three weeks.

My mother was right.

I remember when all our guns were sticks
I remember when pine cones were grenades
I remember when we always got back up
And war was just a game we played

We build cathedrals in homage to our pain,
attend masses that speak of never ending suffering
and a promise of an unfulfilled promise land and paradise.
We kneel before an altar to a God who surely is absent
I believe
but my heart is ever so weak.
My muscles are weak,
my soul so cold
and we bathe ourselves in the blood of Christ
in hopes of erasing all that we have done.
Misery loves religion,
religion loves misery.
Angels unreachable leave us to demons of our own,
“heaven” so far out of view.
Can you see and hear the agony beneath our skin?
We are so much more than our sins.
My body is a tomb
and my heart is a vessel.
Take me as yours,
baptize me in the rivers of Heaven,
and bathe me in the rivers of Hell.
I am human
I am dead.
I worship to find who I am.

and suddenly the ocean roared with life,
waves crashed into the coast,
washing over our bodies as we lay in the sand,

your lips tasted of salt water taffy,
your breath against my neck felt like an ocean breeze,
your hands tickled my skin like the sand against our feet

i closed my eyes and let myself sink deeper and deeper into the shore
the saltwater filled my esophagus
and i screamed your name
but you just watched me sink further until i was no more

A kiss
and a cry
shouts of joy,
a tremulous sigh
soldiers come back
from faraway lands
reunited couples,
entwining hands
parents with balloons
and outstretched arms
children returning with groups,
safe from harm
myriad languages
bouncing off the walls
echoes of longing,
tears that fall
Airports are centers
of piquant emotion
and I sit, waiting for you
in excited devotion
thinking of how
you raised me,
on your side, alone
how oceans divide us
except for the phone
how we fight to keep
our connection alive
how your grandchildren
and I
are your source of pride
And so, mother of mine,
my hug waits in these arms
to burst forth to you
as you step off the storm
of longing and missing
into our calm and light
our renewed closeness
and bond
about to
take flight