perfectly circular,

gravity will take you away.

i plan every night,

just to get through each day,

replacing my loss,

what could make you stay?

~

im the captain of my two feet,

i couldn't steer a breeze from a storm,

but i can leave a broken mess,

turn all your debris into a dress,

flurried away, feeling less.

She asked me why I don’t want to be in a relationship,
I replied that it wasn’t her fault.
I’ve been told for two straight years how terrible of a person I am,
How nothing I do will ever matter.
I’ve been told that I am not smart, I don’t know what I’m doing.
And a lot more, the problem is I believed her.
I believed her because I loved her.
And that did more damage.
I don’t trust myself or anyone.
How can I?
Her only reply is so simple and so sweet,
“When you’re ready I’m here, until then I hope I can show you that she was wrong. Because I see so much more. I love you even when you don’t love yourself I love you.”
And everyday since she’s told me that she’s definitely kept that promise.
It’s hard, most days I don’t talk to anyone yet she still checks on me.
That’s something that I never got before,
All I can say I don’t deserve her but everyday I hope to be the best I can for her and for me.

often times I wake up sweating
still stuck in my nightmares
ones where I rather die then
remember those experiences
they leave me still for hours in
a pain more agonizing than grief
I was strong enough to leave
although I am still fearful
combing gravel out of wounds that
I never asked for
now I have to prepare myself
for the conversations about the
scars that are left

Pick me up 
after 
Letting me down 
before 
Promising your love 
after 
Gaining my trust 
before 
Sharing your thoughts 
after 
Asking me out 
before 
Our eyes met 
after 
That random night 
before 
We made out
after 
Falling in love
before 
The future pain 
after 
We broke up