one*
two
three
He lied to me
only wanted my virginity
made me feel like i was infinity
...
Except the times he abused me

one
two
three
He yelled at me
called me names and obscenities
creating all my insecurities

...
Only to build me into what he wanted me to be

one
two
three
She saw what he did to me
manipulated and broke
she warned me of his problem things

....
But i didn't listen to her cautioning

one
two
three
Mama he cheated on me
nope didn't take my virginity
but broke me down and created insecurities
for the girl he wanted me to be
only to go on and leave me

...

one
two
three
He cant hurt me
I'm stronger now and better see
I should have listened to my mama
when she told me

**That boy is no good for me

You say you like me
but i don't want to give in

you say you love me
but were only fourteen you cant possibly

you say im your everything
but how long will i be your everything until someone else replaces me

you say you'll never lie to me
but its hard to trust when all your life that promise was made

you say you'll never hurt me
but how long before you get tired of me

you say you need me
but is that what you honestly think

you say all these things to me
but i don't want to be the foolish girl who gets hurt because she believed
i don't want to be the one suffering
and you be the one running care free because you lied to me
so for now its all good and i wont give in
i like you but you have to show me its OK for me to let my walls down and trust what you say to me

Make Believe
Is what a child does
a child Make Believes their a dragon

Make Believe
Is to pretend to be something
or someone you're not for simple fun

Make Believe  
Is what i do i pretend
but i don't do it for simple fun

Make Believe
Is what i use to hide
to hide the pain and sadness

Make Believe
Is being happy to hide
i pretend to be happy for my family
I make believe for my friends so they believe
I make believe for myself so i can pretend the pain isn't real

Make Believe
it's what i used to do
to get by now my smile is real
my tears never in vain and my scars...
gone no more

Make Believe is not for the weak
It's for the strong who have no way put until they fix themselves
its time we take off our masks and stop pretending

Surrounded by those you care about most only to feel incredibly alone in the midst of it all
Take a bite of the magic food and feel your body relax
Feel your mind fuse with the THC that is now in use
You are the you that you always wanted to be and all it took was a little hit of ****
Take a puff and feel the smoke bite at your lungs
As you inhale what you consider to be sweet freedom you exhale the blissful self medication of narcotic release
You 'll laugh and join in a crowd to feel alive.
Now ask yourself this
Are you proud
Proud of how you have to use smoke clouds to enjoy the beautiful world around you
Alone
the thing I hate to be the most
now look at me
sober
lonely
broken
The person I want to be is gone
Now all I want to feel is the chemical melodies of the song that is my high
I want to tell those I love goodbye and not feel guilty that I want to die
Tell them that when I get high I feel as close to death as ever
Tell them to let me be
tell them I set myself free.

Welcome to our world angels were we shall torment you with our dark games we play
Lets have some fun because the night is young you shall be come a beautiful demonic beast and no longer be delusional angels
Whose sheltered by their parents who say stay away from those weird kids well my innocent ones lets play and see how long you can stay before you become like the rest of us evil things
Enjoy the dark because we enjoy your company with us tonight
we will slit your throats and fill your head with the lies that those so called gods hid from you
Step in to the darkness and find the you that you couldn't see until we helped you angels become a demoniacal beast
Ugh you all are just like the rest of those holy mortals who beg and pleed for what they want
If you join us we will gladly help you take what you want but what ever floates your boats
Us demons await for the day we will have a new members to our demonic family
Until then we shall sit back and watch you thrash the throats of the other angels and then you'll all see where you belong
Good now you all see the dark games we play and one day you will be delighted to partake in them
When you do join in or game your wings will slowly decay and rot
When you fly you will leave a trail of death behind the so everyone knows who you have chosen
and how you have chosen to be another scary monster
Your half way there angels falling deeply in to our trap but dont worry we are here to catch you and set you free from the world that you call reality
oh
Angels how naive can you bee one day you will see we're here for thee no matter the choice
You make weather to be apart of our dark arts or to be apart of the light that shines
So bright it blinds you from whats plainly in sight of you well don't worry after our trick you'll grow to either love us or need us demons just let us be free to trick thee

I learned not to trust people
because my heart is locked tight
due to someone i wish i could have loved
but sadly my heart was bright and naive trusting
anyone who said they wouldn't lie to me while they used me
with the words of lies breaking my trust as my ***** start to fly away
i used to care but that day i declared war on my heart so now i will NEVER fall apart due to your unfaithful "trust"

No one seems to notice the scares on my wrist
or
the pain i feel in side
I've tried to fake a smile but its become to hard  
the people i know who care are forever there they believe im happy when im not

so i fake my smile to make them believe that i am
i don't want them to worry about me so i will fill there hearts with joy and laughter

but as long as im here the scares are my enemy's
the one's who torment me, the one's who truly ****
so i will continue to heal until one day I've had enough
but right now it seems that it never will be

deep down inside i feel like i died
and nobody hears my corps screaming in pain
so i will leave and pretend again please help me im slowly dying in side but you wont help so i will leave

I'll go to another world were i will be understood
i will be excepted and loved you told me you didn't care and now i see
what you meant you all hated me

laughed and called me names well im done
i took my stand and you pushed me back down
i tried to stand my ground but  you buried me alive
and now I've suffocated and its due to the harm and hatred
so i say farewell to you and so long for you are the fool that has let me down

now im gone I've left and i see you miss me
well you have apologized to late and now you know my pain
are you as sorry as i am for all of those rude and messed up names
well i am but now i cant feel your pain you had your chance
but as you watched from the side lines i cried and died and you witnessed my death*

so  now i see you did care im a survivor and thats all i will ever be for as long as i live and once i die you will care

Focus
she reads
her crazy showing more than usual
"I'll **** him"
she says
her jersey accent strong like my morning coffee
"I'm joking"
she laughs
her presence making it hard for me to
Focus
her voice makes my mind think of lazy Sundays
blankets above us like canopy's
awnings that hold nothing but past memories
a glance in a tenth grade math class
suddenly fourteen year old me couldn't
Focus
no she was not perfect
her mind a bit to wild
her eyes a sliver to beautiful
her laugh a tad to intoxicating
her voice a pinch to sweet
her a bit to
Focus
I fell in love  with the
artistic, the crazy,
the jersey girl who with her extensive collection of art supplies
sketched
drew
and painted my world.
every color a pastel oil
every shape a charcoal sketch
everything she touched
vibrant like neon signs and now that shes gone i cant
Focus

Breath
I told myself as i stared at the scars on my wrist

Breath
I told my self as i swallowed the poison in my mouth

Breath
I told myself as i stared at the broken fool

Breath
I told myself as i hide my sadness, anger,and depression away

Breath
I would tell myself remebring the blood and watching it drip

Breath
I would tell myself when the world around me became black in pain

Breath
I would tell myself as i looked at a dying fool

Breath
I would tell myself putting on my mask and placing it one last time on the bleeding broken and dying shelf known as myself

It's There Opinion*
if they think the way i speak is rude and sarcastic
It's There Opinion
if they think the way i walk is weird and unnecessary
It's There Opinion
if throw my hands in the air because i want to
It's There Opinion
if you decide to go to the mall in pajamas
It's There Opinion
if you want to run up and down the street for no reason
It's There Opinion
if anyone in the world wants to do something
I'm writing this to tell people that if someone tells you to stop doing something because other people are saying negative things don't listen to them because that's the way you are so don't change who you are for anyone no matter who it is*
I cover my face because i want to
if you don't like it that's your opinion
i throw my arms in the air because i like to
if it bothers you and you thin im a "******" that's your opinion
if i say something or speak a ****** way that you don't like
THAT'S YOUR OPINION

Bleeding
I hide the scars on my wrist all because I'm a outcast in life

Breathing
I hide the pain in my heart with a smile which holds a broken heart

Seeing
I watch the uselessness i call my life fade away with dreams that died the same way

Feeling
I hold what it is in as fear controls me

Hoping
I am free when im alone but the pain comes back on my soul

Screaming
I beg for the names and torture to stop as my heart suddenly stops

Dying
I devour the poison and my scars run free

Sleeping
I lie in my broken dreams as all of you are crying, but you shouldn't because im finally happy now

Your like Death
leaving something behind making me sick
Your like Death
killing me with your sickening soul
Your like Death
you turn evil so quickly because of me  
Your like Death
Always following me gosh just let me be
Your like Death
Your a fear boiling inside me a friend standing beside me
Your Like Death
slowly breaking me to were i cant breath
Your like Death
a patient silent ****** that has a sick obsession
let me go alright im done
let me be i don't need you
let me live follow some one else
*Your like Death
always and forever haunting me

I'm not me
I'm a vision of someone i tried to be

I'm not me
I'm a innocent girl who wants to be free

I'm not me
I'm a broken part of society left out by those who became dead

I am not me
I'm a girl who struggles to be me
I struggle for society to see me differently because

*I'M NOT ME

Mama I'm lost
I can't find my way back
You said stay on the side walk
As always I didn't listen now I'm lost

Mama I'm lost
I ended up hurt again
You said don't play with boys
As always I thought i knew better now I'm lost

Mama I'm lost
I don't know who I am
You said always be true to yourself
As always I tried to be what others wanted now I'm lost

Mama I'm lost
I can't find my way back
I ended up hurt again
I don't know who I am
I'm lost

Tonight
Cold and warm all at once tonight it's easy.
Moments like staring at stars or singing or yelling at the top of our lungs.
You make it feel so easy.
Tonight
I could say it.
I could say those words make my heart jump out of my chest and into your arms.
I could say that word that causes everything to feel infinite.
Tonight
I could change this. I could shift everything we've become.
But I won't say it...
at least not
Tonight

A single kiss
A single kiss can send my mind into a world of bliss
A world of bliss
A world of bliss that is wrapped around your body
Around your body
Around your body so much so that my limbs become tangled in yours
Tangled in yours
Tangled in yours so my arms drape over your chest and yours wrapped around me the best way you know how.
How
How can a single kiss leave me full of static
Static
Static like light flicking off attic walls leaving me full of loneliness
Full of loneliness
Full of loneliness and longing for the closeness we had only moments before  
Moments before
Moments before that left my heart racing  and my senses tingling
Tingling
Tingling as if to say please show me more
More
More of the beautiful world you call your mind.
Your Mind
Your mind that twists and turns like roots that lead to the tallest tree
The tallest tree
The tallest tree that if I ask to climb it and you agree I would then ask could you meet me
Meet me
Meet me at the top of your tree
with a single kiss.

I'm sitting on the floor of a friend of a friends house
I been here for some time and had some time to rewind when suddenly the friend of a friend said something I didn't like.
"It's more than her period making her a *****"
Intoxicated me wanted to laugh
sober me wanted to scoff
Wow, a period joke as if my menstrual cycle is something to be laughed at
As if the blood flowing out of me don't make me the definition of a wonder woman.
Yet instead its a joke, instead its your answer for when I question your misogynistic values.
"Get a sense of humor" they yell when its more than my period making me a *****
making me the female dog
Well this ***** does a lot more then bark
I bite
MY body is not your joke
MY womanhood is not your bag of wisecracks
PERIOD.

This is is an ode to my past partners
To those I let climb inside my body
To the women I loved
Your hands roamed my body and skin
Your lips like those of a voyagers
with every whisper and caress was a new world
On every new island was a new feeling
a new sensation
a new part of me I had yet to know
To the  men I loved
You plucked my rose from the earth
you turned me into a beautiful bouquet of flowers
and with every flower was a new thought
a new emotion
a new reality
To those I loved
I did not love you for no reason
I did not waste my time in the classrooms you called relationships
because in each of these was a new lover
a new me
a new heartbreak
yet because of you I became stronger and greater than before.
To those I have yet to know
I will not always be happy
I will not always have the answer
but I will always have my humor
To those I have yet to love
you are not ready for the new things we will endure
but I promise it will all be worth it
worth it to find the new
smiles
the new friendships
the new eachother

Empty spaces are the bane of my existence.
I watch through a glass screen fixated with LED lights and wiring so I can see her face when she's 15 minutes away but 10 if she's driving.
I leave a space in my bed and sit with my hand pressed against my temple and my arm draped over me and holding my side.
I leave an empty space where her body would fit perfectly.
where her arms would wrap around me where her shoulder would replace my hand and comfort my temple but instead I watch her unknowingly leave a space for me.

her arm played over empty spaces and her hand resting on a pillow where my head should be instead its nothing but empty spaces.

In that one moment everything changed
she went from innocence to cliche
Just turned sixteen and it was claimed
the path she chose now changed
leaving the broken remains
and a girl who knows to much
Who knows how to ****
who knows what it means to ****
who knows how it feels to moan out in ecstasy when she is touched

In that one moment everything changed
she went from cliche to ****
Just wanted to be loved but instead got ******
rumors flew of what was growing in her gut
the poor boy couldn't keep his mouth shut
she hadn't bled in over a month
with blood drawn she knew he didn't ***
negative results from tests taken
knowing everything's price isn't worth payin

In that one moment everything changed
she went from **** to *****
she got tired of trying to scratch that itch
no longer wanting to be the ****
tired of her name being passed around
knowing now that she had to fix
knowing how she now had to stitch her life together.
now she was bit by something he kept secret
she laid down with that dog and got up with a disease
it's so sad i thought he really loved me