LS - Hello Poetry

LS Oct 2018

i've had nightmares since i was young
ones where i'd wake up
sweating
crying
walking to my mom's room
so that i could sleep with her

when we'd wake up in the morning
if it was still bothering me
she'd make me write it down

she always told me
that things only go away
if they leave your head

but i've written your name
thousands of times
and yet
you've never left my mind

#mom #write #sleep

LS Sep 2018

keep your jaw clenched

a lot of the time
i’m not even sure how i make people upset or angry
but i’m
**** good at it

my jaw clenches
with words i want to say
but i let them settle in the sides of my cheeks
and refrain from saying anything at all

speaking
saying how you feel about a person
doesn’t help much
if anything
it only makes you feel worse

but you’ll soon learn
that even though it’s hard to pretend you’re okay when you really aren’t

that with time
it gets easier.

#people #love #heartbreak

LS Jun 2018

let's be strangers, again

you're sitting across from me
after months of not speaking
you called and said something about how
we don't have to be strangers

i answered on the third ring
just like i always used to do
and agreed to meet you

we decided to get coffee
to warm our bodies
from the november air
although mine is cold
by the time i even think to take a sip

"there's someone i want you to meet, you know"
it's strange
because when you said it
i didn't feel jealousy
i felt anger
i wanted to know
"why?"
you grabbed my hand
"you're still important to me,
i want you
to meet her"

i knew what you were doing
and so i let you
for a few minutes more

and then i thought about how
you've never even heard my voicemail
because i always answered
on the third ring
and how
i doubt she even answers at all
and that
was enough for me

you wanted me to meet her
to compare
and if i did
you'd see that you're never
going to find anyone like me
ever again

i let go of your hand
look into your sea green eyes
that i used to dream about

my voice is suddenly clear as day
"we don't have to be strangers,
but maybe we should be."

LS May 2018

you and me // you. me.

you and me
underneath my grey duvet
covered with only white t-shirts
and mischief

listening to 90s music
and laughing at the lyrics

kissing when the next song comes on
holding each other tightly
as if one of us will
dissintegrate
at any moment

you and me
at the beach
right on the shoreline
where the water meets the sand

kicking off our shoes
and jumping right in
it's ice cold
but you make me feel warm

you and me
fighting about god knows what
yelling things we don't mean
and going to sleep without saying i love you

getting distant
ignoring phone calls
just to avoid arguments
going to the beach
but not with each other

listening to 90s music
but not hearing the lyrics

sleeping in the same bed
but on opposite sides

now there's a you
but it doesn't include me.

#relationships #love #heartbreak #you

LS May 2018

life or death?

my mother told me i was supposed to be born in late june
but i wasn't born until the first week of july
"you jus' didn't wanna come out"
she always tells me
and laughs
it turns out she was right
i never wanted to be
under those fluorescent lights
in the hospital
hearing chatter of doctors
and the beeping of machines
because i probably knew that one day i would be there again
but for the complete opposite reason
that i already was

#life #death #hospital #mom

LS May 2018

i've bled for people who don't care

when i was 7 i cracked my head open with glass
and blood covered my head
i didn't go to the hospital
i didn't even tell anyone

i never saw the glass really coming
it happened in just a split second
i hardly even felt it
it stung
but i was too worried about the glass
and how i was going to clean it
before my parents came home
my mom always liked to keep her house clean
so i had to pick it up

when i was 13
my best friend had her first heartbreak
i was doing homework
because i was so behind
but she called me crying
and asked if she could come over
i held her for two hours
while she sobbed into my sweatshirt
and when she left
i didn't even get a thank you

i try so hard to make everyone feel content and happy
then sit in my room
and wonder why i'm so sad
but it's because
all i do is bleed for people
and they never even hand me a bandaid

#blood #friends #family #glass #poetry #sad

LS Apr 2018

my brakes don't work

i keep having
the same reoccurring nightmare
where i'm driving and i need to stop
but my brakes won't work

it reminds me of when
i'm sitting with my friends
and i see all their subtle glances at each other
each time i take it just a little too far
because i always do
always

i can never
just get my brakes to work

#car #brakes #friends #always