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I feel so small
Feel like I'm falling short.

While you're thinking about how
We could be heroes,
I'm thinking about how
I wanna fall in love again with you.

Vulnerable. Superficial. Immature.

I can't fight it.
I can't get my **** together.

Why do I miss you so?
Some things,
those acts we did
in rapture
will stay with me
forever.

Someday
they will
lie down with me
quietly
in the grave.

And though
you are gone now
my love,
rest assured
my lips are sealed
to the bitter end.
 Mar 2015 Five Fingers
Ilva
Beloved
 Mar 2015 Five Fingers
Ilva
Inside me
While you grew and grew
I never knew
Your heart was broken
And that there was one
Where there should’ve been two.

After you were born
The doctor explained
Your lungs wouldn’t last
You were breathing too fast
And growing too slow
Your blood flow was mixed
And you had to be fixed.

So right from the start
Your heart wasn’t whole
But your soul
Was a universe
And your eyes
Were comprised
Of millions of galaxies.
Your body was strong
And your cry was a song.

I named you beloved
And through you, I discovered
For the very first time
I was whole.

Please always remember
You are far more beautiful
Than broken
You are my ultimate inspiration
And I’ll always consider you
My most perfect creation.
I wrote this for my 6-month-old baby when she was having heart repair surgery done to fix a serious congenital heart defect (truncus arteriosus). She survived the operation, and spent a month in hospital to recover. Six months later, however, she got broncho-pneumonia and the added stress on her heart caused her to go into cardiac arrest & she passed away.
You have cut me up
and placed me beside other
shinier, redder apples.
you've given disapproving glares
and shaken your head,
arms akimbo.

You're trying to keep me in a box,
away from the "dangerous" world outside
but then you'd shake your fists
at my browning flesh
and putrid body.

I'm just an apple.
Why can't you see me for what i am?
I'm not the biggest
nor the juiciest.
I have yellow spots on my skin
and bruises on my flesh.

Why don't you love me?
Why can't you stop
comparing
and judging
and complaining?

You are my apple tree.
you made me.
Why can't you see
I'm trying
to be the best apple
that i can be?

It's not enough.
it's never enough.

I'm. Not enough.
and i never will be.
Did you bring me into this world just to pass judgement on my every move, mother? or was i something you never wanted in the first place
No.
My friends asked you,
"Do you like her?"
your face gave no clue
and you didn't answer.

my heart sank
as my friend relates this to me.
i sigh a little inside
but on the outside
i play it cool
and pretend it doesn't affect me.

I hurt,
but
really.
who could ever love someone like me?
 Mar 2015 Five Fingers
Lunar
anger
 Mar 2015 Five Fingers
Lunar
And yes, i have always wanted to chase you and pull you into my arms to caress your soft neck with my silver friend and she would cut me open in front of you to show you how my heart has been turned to stone and i would take it out and smash it to your head that you would finally know how it's like to lose your mind, just like how i lost my heart
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