Ten ways to get over your first love.

1. Stop looking for them in every person. In every street corner or behind the door ajar stop hoping for them to be standing there, that crooked smile on their face and their arms open. Stop waiting for the phone and staying on call waiting for them to mumble, "I love you, I think."
2. You don't.
3. Date other people. Date the boys who put their hands on you the wrong way, even if you want the girl who was afraid of skinship and gazed into your eyes the right way when she laid beside you in bed, listening to your hollow chest with a pendulum swing knocking the bones and thick skin quiet enough to hear a pin drop, because she wasn't the type to catch you.
4. I don't know if you can.
5. Forget how beautiful she is. Forget how she could make you feel like you are flying because 3 seconds later she made you feel unloved, like every postcard was unsent and every message deleted, every Long song ****** out of your ears. Forget that every time she didn't call you or referred to you as just a Friend didn't scald your damaged hands that that were getting ready to hold her so tight your hands would grow numb and didnt slice your eye because you couldn't bear to see her leave and leave and leave and how every time she didn't look your way you'd twist your neck searching empty trash cans and grey pillars for a number, a room key, something better. but be grateful. others took longer to die. but loving her was suicide.
6. I can't stop finding her beautiful.
7. Write about her. Write Everyday about how she broke your heart without even having a single clue she did and how she finally came out to her Sister because you gave her confidence to and how she is so ******* beautiful. But she is not perfect. Write about her flaws. Try to scrape your mind of everything good, write about why you shouldn't love her. Draw a blank, and draw a heart instead. Draw the heart and write her name in it, it's been engraved on every tree you see and every bus ride home is another reason to shut your eyes. Catch her in the shadows. Write the possible reasons as to why she's there, staring. Realise she never was.
8. Ignore her, make her feel unloved. You talk about her like she was the only star in your sky and you were a mere black hole. You were a chore, you were the person she pitied you were another reason why she couldn't sleep at night you were a fish in a school; a mere dark cast that swore to bring down everything she loved. you made her worry, you made her stressed out. you made her tired. tired of you. tired of hearing you crying and exhausted from all the times counting sheep didn't work for you and you needed a stab to the chest just to put you to sleep. you didn't do **** for her. She doesn't need you, right?
9. but you need her.
10. I am sleepwalking through the week and it is only Monday I see you and her and you and her and how she looks at you and I don't know about how you feel about her. I don't know how you feel about anything, about me, about the book you're always reading. I miss you. I miss your tendency to make me feel wanted and your tendency to make me feel unwanted, I miss your tendency to make me feel something other than sad. sadder. sadly I never got the chance to tell you this. I don't know if I will. But I want you to remember. You will always be the hand that held on tightly for me and the spark that reminded me what it was like to burn bright. I still feel you in every wooden surface and every look is just another reason to count the amount of chances I've given to myself to love you. I think I always will.

I once loved a girl, but I wasn't in love. I once looked into her eyes and I didn't see me. She's gone now. But I'll never forget the first time, I saw a little glimpse of a what if. an almost, a love dancing in the wind. how I would Long for the touch but we fell short of probability. our parallel lines never intercepted and I was too bad at math to find a way to fix it. next time, I'll look for my love in a broken heart.

let’s live suddenly without thinking

under honest trees,
                        a stream
does.the brain of cleverly-crinkling
-water pursues the angry dream
of the shore. By midnight,
                                a moon
scratches the skin of the organised hills

an edged nothing begins to prune

let’s live like the light that kills
and let’s as silence,
                            because Whirl’s after all:
(after me)love,and after you.
I occasionally feel vague how
vague idon’t know tenuous Now-
spears and The Then-arrows making do
our mouths something red,something tall

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
Life would be delight,—
But things couldn’t go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn’t be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I’d be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn’t be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,—
Yet they’d all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn’t be we.

He was lying next to me, with his hand upon my cheek
I was locked inside my head, thoughts stuck on you.
It was never quite fair to him, I was never quite there with him
Sabotaged before he ever had a chance.

I play it back inside my head, remember everything you said.
The cruel words that made us come crashing down.
The flashing on my phone, how I felt so alone, crying thinking you were still the one.

Maybe I exaggerate, maybe I stretch the truth,
but I never thought there'd be an end to me and you.
I didn't scream or cry or beg, I locked myself away with painful memories..  

And yet here we are, months away from the past.
Why can I still feel your lips on my shoulder, still hear your voice saying "baby, please come closer."
Replaying your apologies over the endless nights of broken sleep.
Why is it still always you?

It's really not fair to him, I still can't bare to be with him.
I hate myself for wishing you'd come back and he'd turn into you.
His brown eyes never stood a chance when all I see are your green seas.
I used to drown in you for miles, and now all I'm drowning in is myself.
Oh darling, I wish you'd come back because I'm still stuck on you.