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listen -
hear no sound, feel
only wind on its way, ghostly
nothings, but hush to sharp wings
of ocean birds so fraying as they cut
the sky, shuttle to fairways, far aways,
in plaintive cries, i hear what they say,
sailing into the jeweled skylights, but i
am only weight of air, still on ground,
i mumble out, sidle the bone tides
that roll to land, grains of clarity,
i am mist and tear, a world
of hollow, i am that sound -
of ocean in a shell.
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
I think
I'm stupid
Ugly
Annoying
No one wants me here

But I'm too cowardly to do the deed
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
I'm beautiful
Sweet
Kind
And I should stay

And that it's cowardly to "run from my problems"
And leave this world forever


I think
It hurts too much
No one wants me
No one will help me
No one cares about me

But I'm too selfish to say goodbye
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
That the pain will pass
That you want me to stay
That you will help me up
That you care about me

And that it would hurt you if I "gave in"
And left this world forever

What I think
And you say,
Do not match

What my soul says
And my ears hear
Are very different

Someone must be lying
**And I think it might be you
I love you
Why can't you see...?

**Just how much...
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
Every time
I look inside myself
I want to cry

Who is this girl?
She is disgusting
And ugly
And dumb

No one likes this girl

Every time
I look in the mirror
I want give up

Who is this girl?
She is fat
And stupid
And flawed

No one wants this girl

Every time
I think of my past
My soul starts aching

Who was that girl?
She was sweet
And kind
And lovely

What happened to that girl?

Every time
Every single time

**It hurts
Bleh
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
By seven I knew I was different

By eight I thought I was weird

By nine I thought I was fat

By ten I thought I was ugly

By eleven I started to hate myself

By twelve I thought I shouldn't exist

By thirteen I wanted to die

By fourteen I began to selfharm

By fifteen I planned my death

By sixteen I was long gone
Honestly this is a little off.... Everything started a bit earlier I suppose and not exactly defined by a single age, but it's close enough
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
Does living
So you don't disappoint anyone
Count
As a will to live?
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