Gravel pathways across a
Graveyard.
Rainbows in
Garden sprinkler droplets.
Church tower swallows.
I know death.

I know its smell, the touch of
Something unalive. I know
Its feeling.
It is sharp, lucid and transparent.
White haze in open eyes,
Dreams and memories now

Forgotten.
Stones leaning like mourning
Heads against one another. Trees
In breeze, one has grown around
The single rusty lamp post.
I have stood in its light.

Stood in its light looking up,
Caught not crying over a tragedy.
I know death. I know its feeling.
Closer every time I think of it;
The opposite of a mirage.
Mine may very well one

Day be the first dead body
Someone has ever seen.
These blue eyes milky blind.
Arms like branches; twig fingers.
Life means surprisingly little with
Your hands upon its absence.

Leave my name on each bullet.
Show me your shadow,
Scythe and all.
Dead as burned trees and great
Grandparents. Rancid rest. Dirt.
I know death.

I loved you when I first met you
you loved me
Days went by
our love grew strong you see
Things fell apart
We went our separate ways
But sadly I still loved you
like I had that day

i loved you the way
i believed summer
would melt,
fell into your arms
the way i could only
ever fall with you.

Silence doesn't have to be awkward
The mutual happiness  of each others presence
Not bored not excited but content
But sometimes silence is intense
Raging riots inside the rambling mind
But conversation is not everything sometimes
It's just your presence and alittle time
Because silence can be alone
Clocks counting down your abyss
Harassing your mind with every constant click
Judging down more then you would like to admit
Overthinking under commit
Sometimes silence is all you can get

i miss the gentle hugs
   and eyes offering reassurance

i miss
   the comfort of a cozy chair
with room enough for two
    and the smell of food
being cooked

i miss the closing of doors
   and the snoring at night
closing my eyes and craving sleep
   then secretly smiling
when you turn over with a poke

i miss the shower going on at 5 am
and the door closing at 6

i miss your corny jokes
and the smell of you after a hard day at work

i miss your calm when i was angry
   and your common sense
when the world seemed senseless

i miss the beat of my heart
   when i'd think of you
and the sense of peace i felt
   when i heard you come through the door

but what i don't miss

is the nagging pang in my gut
   and the knowing in my heart
that you weren't coming home

i don't miss the crying episodes
   and the disappointment
after broken promises

i don't miss having to share you
   with many
and offering explanations
   to why i haven't left

i don't miss
   the humiliations
      the aloneness
         the lies
and the cheating

i don't miss
your breast pounding
to prove you're a man
   and the negligence i came to expect
the late night phone calls
   from women i'd never met
but who knew intimate details
   of the life we'd shared

there's so much i miss
   but so much more i don't

but in my mind
i still hug and smile at
that young boy
i fell in love with
so, so many years ago.