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  Oct 2020 Nicholas Booth
eileen
I won't stop you from saying
what I want you to say

I won't stop you
because it's what I want to hear

a few white lies
won't hurt you

still haven't learned my lesson
still have them all unfinished

all the white lies I tell
become tainted and stained inside out
  Jul 2020 Nicholas Booth
eileen
some nights I call the wind
she runs into my arms

I've lost all the stars
when I let you go
it wasn't enough

our sweet goodbye
thinking back
I want to cry

sometimes I'll cry with the rain
she doesn't dream of me
never saw my pain

wondering
will she miss me now

I will give her the sky
endless
and she will find me
  Mar 2020 Nicholas Booth
eileen
if I can't have you
I don't want to know you at all

I want to forget your name
I never want to see your face

I'm disappointed in myself
where did I go wrong

are we not compatible

I fell so fast

unknowingly

you fell asleep

I wish you could feel the way I'm feeling

I hate how much I miss you

I wish I could hate you

I hate myself for losing you
“I dont know”
was my response
when you asked me if
I still love you

the world stopped
for the both of us
as I wondered on the thought
of me, being selfish
or being true
and yours upon the
realization that
maybe, just maybe
my love for you
is fleeting

neither of us was speaking
and the silence echoed
through the depths of my head
and you uttered
‘oh’

that moment, I knew
that you gave up
on me, and my inner
indecisiveness

I crumbled upon
the guilt of telling you
those words, so instead
I let my tongue do
the talking and said
'maybe'

cause it was never hard to say

but it is always hard to face

the reality of being responsible
to someone

as if I have to breathe
through somebody’s pair of lungs
and scratch the loneliness
with someone else’s fingers

we parted
I changed numbers

cause I had to stay afloat
on the clouds of solitude
free from attachments.
Nicholas Booth Feb 2019
I can't feel my fingers
I can't feel my toes
been put through the ringer
I can't feel my woes

I press against my ribs and teeth
making sure my feet are underneath
my floating head
this feeling I dread
my god I need a release

but a release would mean
things are not as they seem
and I would still be numb
left high, dry and dumb

so numb I will stay
a lifeless bouquet
of fingers and toes
and all of my woes
feeling like nothing
Nicholas Booth Feb 2019
Remember when you held me in your arms
and told me you'd always love me
a perfect thing, without harm
but all of  sudden there was he

he who stole
my vital role
in the love we shared
but you did not care

for anything else
like the books on your shelf
because it was his picture
that remained
I must have seen his picture on that ******* bookshelf a thousand times before I questioned it.
Nicholas Booth Feb 2019
I have a thing or two
on my mind
one is you,
the other to find

a safe place
a refuge
a place to
let truth

be itself
but not known
left unsaid
and alone

Maybe I'll share it
when I'm desperate
I'll sadly pair it
with you
I have a hard time letting people in. It did not always used to be like that, and I swore to my mother I would always be a free, fun-loving soul. But that has changed, inevitably I am told.
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