tinsel wrapped arms
lights twinkle in my eyes
and his
staring

hold my head in my hands as i leave my body
each touch a reminder of my sins
that aren’t mine.

and never were.

hello, dearest friend

i nearly lost you today

i thought this was done.

táim óg agus tá mé sean
dá fheicthe ná rudaí a bhfeicim
páistí, cairde, clann
tá súile againn uilig
tá chroí againn uilig
tá saoirse againn uilig

tá ádh orainn
ábalta labhairt
ábalta canadh
ábalta am a caitheadh lenár teaghlaigh
níl an t-ádh ag gach duine

glac cúpla soicind
nuair atá tú ag gaire s' ag guí
glac an deas atá agat
agus cuir é in úsáid.

sing soft your silky sentence
my skin is tainted by your touch
others may try but i keep my distance
i fear i may feel too much

a quiet but present voice
you don't speak when spoken to
it never seems to be my choice
you know me through and through

tell me a lie, sweetheart
i can't promise i'll hear it
i'll try and swallow the words
wash them down with your guilt.

My fingertips face yours
Electricity
Magnets in space
Try so hard but never reach
Your eyes sink into me
I wish your hands would
And not let go.

My back to you
Feel your eyes
Your hands
Soft and calming
Then
Deep and prodding
Texturising my skin

Ghosts
Following our paths
Resisting touch
Avoiding touch
Long to embrace
Try to teach myself
To repel.

your eyes trace my skin
count my freckles
reel me in

my breathing is heavy
the space between us is thin
kiss me already
either way, you win

i've tried to change my mind
practice what i preach
go back in time

when you think of me at night
wrapped up in your thoughts
hunt for me, lover
tell me what you find.

brisk october bruises my cheeks
my thoughts are chaotic
my voice is calm

i gave all my oxygen to someone who could breathe
he ate my heart whole
when we drowned ourselves in the darkest parts of each other

you haunt me
today tomorrow forever
days go by and i think i'm done
but then it comes back
the thoughts of you
your breath on my neck
your kiss on my cheek
your eyes used to follow me
your memory follows me now
i see glimpses of you around the city
like scattered fragments of a time i'm trying to forget
i'm trying

like my pre-made protein shake dictates
seperation is normal

we were a house
it went on fire
we painted and painted
but we could still smell the smoke

you are unfazed by anything i do
you say you love me and that my spontaneity is one of the reasons why
because i keep you guessing
you say it's refreshing but you mean it's unpredictable
you say you love me and that i'm endlessly fascinating
you tell me it's because i'm interesting
you say it's intriguing but you mean it's confusing
i have so many precious things to tell you
but you do not care for any of them
you say you love me no matter what i look like
but when you kiss me you look into different eyes
you say you love me

but these are words from a thesaurus
not words from your heart

i tried to write about you today
i thought of your lips, your skin, your scent
but i couldn’t find words to describe them
how funny things have changed
wake up one day and realize that your dreams are not random
coincidences are foolish
the universe is rarely so clumsy

i thought about you again last night
it was strange, it was surprisingly nice
i thought of all the things you'd said to me
every sentence, every simply-constructed compliment
everything came gushing at once
but this time was different
i didn't feel like i was drowning in the worrying waves of doubt and denial

but yet
that i was gently afloat above it all
calm centimeters away from chaos

i recite the weirdly, wonderfully woven words you say to them to myself when no one is around
i leave little leads of tangents around different rooms like crumbs for someone to follow me
you are the only one whose thoughts i subconsciously hear when i need to hear something most
when i am bound by solitude and my romantic ode to it

you are the one that wakes me up

we were a museum full of art
but you had your eyes closed
your name felt silky and sweet on the tip of my tongue

when you lay in bed at night
did the sound of my voice ring through your head until you fell asleep
or was it just me?

there we stood
in the few seconds between calm and chaos
you looked at me like I was the only thing you wanted to see
you said the words I longed to hear
i didn’t hear what you said
but yet
you were still in front of me.

it was that time in the evening where the sun disappears from the water colour sky
and all that's left is pale blue tint
i hope somewhere you are looking at this sky
and thinking what i'm thinking