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as i kiss your magical lips
wondering what else could they do.
as i feel your smooth hands all over my body...
on my hips.
i wonder what else could they do.
as you gave me your heart..
loving and all.
i wondered how much could it love.
one day you came home.
you came over and kissed me roughly.
you said you wanted me..
more than ever..
you said you wanted to show me the love you could give me.
i let your hands wander more to the peaks of my body and to the depths of my soul.
you let your lips kiss me everywhere.
it was special.
you said that i was perfect.
you told me i was beautiful.
then you show'd me what your heart was capapable of loving me.
with every ******
i grew to love you more.
we lay there in each others sweat and love.
the sheets spread everywhere.
i sat up and told you
i loved you.
you smiled and said
"lets take a shower"
love heart to heart making love your perfect body
as i sit and watch you sleep.
i run my hands over your toned body.
you moan..
i know your awake.
i stop you open your eyes and look at me.
with hunger.
that's when i know you want me.
you grab my hand..
and kiss every knuckle.
you climb on top of me
look me in the eye and you say
"i love you"
i whisper it back as
i bite your neck..
i soothe the pain with a slick of my tongue.
i wait for you to kiss me but you don't.
you just stare into my eyes for the longest time.
i stare at you begging you to take me in your arms and make love to me.
you stare.
you lean in and whisper.
"your eyes are perfect'
I blush lightly.
and you kiss me.
i let you do what you want to me.
we take turns proving our love.
as i fall asleep
i listen to your soft heart beat.
beautiful.
what a sound,
my loves heart beat.
my mind wanders like a baby bird
that has fallen from the nest.
as i chop  chop  away
he stares at me with disgrace.
he says it's bad for me.
im at the point i dont care.
i dont care.
i  love it.
it soothes the pain.
makes me feel sane
when im actually insane.
it's my life.
the only thing i can hold onto
i feel so empty today.
i need the blade.
i cant hold it back.
the urge.
craving.
i
need
to
cut.
deep.
the blade is my
best friend.
my life.
the only thing i can trust.
i've been sold.
traded for.
sold again.
and traded for.
here in this
scary
dark
grey room
im tied to a musty
***** bed.
he'll come in soon.
to torture me.
take the little bit of innocence i have left.
i'll scream and cry.
then i'll go silent
listening to him twisting my insides around.
listening to my bones shatter into little fragments of grain.
trying to hear the heart beat of my broken heart.
just one beat.
thats all i need to keep me alive.
it hurts.
i thought i was in love with him.
but he just broke me.
sold me.
and used me.
thats all i'll ever be.
trash.
used.
a display that they'll break over and over again
one day..
i'll break for good.
be too shattered they wont be able to use me.
then i'll take short breaths.
whisper my goodbyes.
say ******* to all my nightmares.
i'll say good bye with a smile on my face
i wont have to live like this anymore.
im waiting for that day.
where i can rest
not having to go out on the streets
waiting for men to pick me up and torture me.
i'll be able to breathe
be free.
i'll be able to see the real me.
i'll be happy.
i want your body.
i want to call you mine.
i want your hand to hold
your eyes to stare into.
i want your arms to hold me all night long
i want you to scare all my nightmares and monsters away.
i want you to love me.
i want your loving heart.
i want you.
you look at me,
you kiss me tenderly.
i feel the warmth of your lips and i fall in love with you all over again.
you whisper in my ear that you want more.
im scared.
can i trust you?
we tangle our limbs
slippery with each others sweat.
sticky love.
i fall asleep
fall unconcious into the night.
i thought i would end up in hell.
but..
i found you.
well,
i fell in love and got caught up in the way you stared at me with those amazing eyes.
i got caught up in your comforting arms.
your embrace held me up
my knees were weak
i was weak.
because you made me lose myself at the thought of you.
after you touched me just a brace of your arms made me loose my breath.
i couldnt catch my breath.
i was lost in those wonderful mysterious eyes.
i held onto you so tight..
scared that you were gonna let go too soon.
you stood there letting me get used to your touch.
i've never felt this way
i thought it was a dream.
i touched your face..
so smooth.
perfection.
you were perfect.
are perfect.
you are my..
heaven.
Tribute to my childhood hero
Joni Mitchell

The album covers beaten
The player old and worn
The needle barely tracking
From all the scratches borne
Upon the vinyl surfaces
Of albums that were stored
Unlocking wonderous worlds
Of music I adored

I would lie in cloistered darkness
To hear a voice so sweet
There I'd usher in the nighttime
To worship at her feet
Struck by earthy lyrics
But somewhat strange
Unearthly tunes
To trace with disconnected fingers
The most sensitive of wounds

How sad that good songs
Unsung heroes
Like "Morning Morgantown"
Wouldn't live forever
To "buy your dreams a dollar down"

Recall "Big Yellow Taxi"?
You can rest assured I do!
And "Ladies of the Canyon"
And her epic album "Blue"
Most folks recall a song
Entitled "Both Sides Now"
'Bout clouds and love and life
But they do not know
Her poetic expression
Unearthed deep jazzy riffs
Elitism. Hypocrisy.
And "Summer Lawns" that "Hissed"

At the pinnacle of greatness
Her album "Court and Spark"
Will always be a touchstone
For purity in art

A deeply troubled woman
At certain times in life
Loving truely... deeply
In the "Industry" meant strife

A versatile genius
Her lyrics resonate
Fot the very thing that scarred her
Also made her great

---

At times I'd sit and ponder
A self-inflicted crime
But I would postpone the act
To hear her one last time
Her songs touched me so deeply
Places only she could know
With her voice to guide me
I found a place to go
She became my inspiration
My metaphor. My muse.
Joni Mitchell told my heart
To write of its abuse

I aspire to higher standards
A perfection as it were
And should my work be recognized
I owe it all to her.
Though endlessly I search
For perfect sense of art
It's brought on by

INPERFECTION

But a kind and loving heart.

What I saw in her self portrait
Was a humble, gentle face
She was the greatest mentor

a human life could grace


SoulSurvivor
(C) 10/14/2014
Rewritten
(C) 7/17/2015
Judy Collins. Joan Baez. Carol King.
Just to name a few female
Singer/songwriters of the 60s and 70s
But my favorite was Joni Mitchell.
Her songs "spoke to me".
I was often suicidal as a teen.
But I would lie and listen to music
and let her voice talk me out of it.
I loved her poetic expression
And she is why I am a
poet/songwriter today.

---
 Jul 2015 Nebek Wormer
Doofinity
The landslide pours around my clambering arms and legs, abrading my flesh with its contents of sharp rocks and broken earth.
I feel my feet slip their traction, and kick my toes into the jagged incline.
Hands losing grip, I claw upward desperately hunting for the slightest finger hold.
Nails shredded, blood from my broken knuckles swirl with the sludge oozing past me.
Mud matted hair and freckled spattered accents are caked across my face.
Eyes blurred with the sting of salt like that of the Red Sea.
Cries stifled for the fear of opening my mouth to be invaded by the waves of agony.
I glance down into the dreaded abyss below.
Unable to discern shapes in the pitch.
A glint of orange, a blink of red, glanced glow of green.
I know they're down there... Echoing sounds of gnashing teeth, and beastly screeches, scraping and scrambling just as frantic as I, but their objective is not escape such as mine.
They want to take me, eat me alive, stuffing their insatiable guts with my raw emotions.
Just one crooked talon hooked into my ankle and I'd become a side of beef at a feeding frenzy.
The unknown faces below radiate ice cold still air toward my feet.
I need to find warmth.
Upward, I reach. This cannot consume me, I will not yield.
I feel the grind of my bones and grit in my wounds, burn in my eyes, taste of bitter dampness, smell the murky bog...It's ******* miserable, but I realize, I am...almost alive.
I refuse to be numb, I allow my pain and fear be my passenger, become my fuel...
My battle is forever unending, but I have seen blue sky before, felt the sun penetrate my skin and warm my body, tasted the sweet air of a serene eve...
There is a place, I know, I can find it again, holding hope.
Just one kind embrace from love and I, the feeble hunted, turn graceful huntress surviving, thriving.
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