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 Jan 2020 n stiles carmona
sage
Red and Blue sit down
on a pier at the end of time,
to watch the fires.

Together they wait,
as their lives drip back like water
through a leaky roof.

Red's shoulder is burnt,
a scar that never truly fades,
'Was that me?', Blue asks.

Their eyes do not meet.
And the silence that hangs still
is answer enough.

'Do you think,' Red starts,
'there has ever been a time,
that this was simple?'

Blue takes a minute
to roll the question around
before she begins.

'I think you and I;
we weren't meant to be simple.
That's the way things are.'

'After all,' she grinned,
unashamedly staring
at the other girl,

'What would be the point,
if everything were easy?'
and Red cannot say.

It doesn't matter.
Everything is ending now.
Soon it will be dark.

When Red looked at Blue,
she saw a thousand faces
the other had held;

but Blue stared ahead
into the glow of rapture
they lived outside of.

'What happens to us?'
Red did not understand her.
'Do you hate me now?'

'I didn't hate you.'
'You did, once. You must have done.'
'Does it matter now?'

Quietly, Red knows
that every single lifetime
she waited for Blue.

'If something comes next
I don't want to hold you back.
And no, it doesn't'

How could she think that?
Each incarnation was just
time to spend with her.

'You drove me insane
but you never held me back.
It's always been you'

'Even when it hurt?'
And Red feels her shoulder burn.
'Especially then.'

If anything comes
after the fire burns out
they'll be together.

So Red and Blue sit,
content with all their attempts
to find each other.
 Nov 2019 n stiles carmona
nsp
Fill in the blanks:

1. After months of sleeping next to you, today I woke up, rolled over to see your face, and was (      ).
a) in love
b) complete
c) nervous
d) alone
e) all of the above

2. I (      ) you because I (      ) you.
a) ****, love
b) love, ****

3. I (      ) you because I (      ) you.
a) lost, hurt
b) hurt, lost

4. Towards the end it was clear things weren't working out, but when I  (      ) you I still felt like (      ).
a) kissed, a school boy
b) resented, trying
c) came inside, a god
d) lost, ****
e) all of the above

5. It's devastating because I tried so hard (      ) I knew we were never going to work.
a) even though
b) until
c) after
d) because
e) to pretend

6. We had *** in (      ).
a) our apartments
b) our friends' apartments
c)  the Tonga Room
d) the workplace
e) misery

7. I was (      ), you were (      ), it was (      ).
a) in love, in love, amazing
b) trying, trying, trying
c) yours, yours, yours
d) trying, tired, over
e) real, real, real

8. You never let me (      ), you said it was private.
a) read your recipe book
b) see you ***
c) run with you
d) do yoga with you
e) get to know you

9. I wanted to (      ) you, you wanted to (      ) me.
a) love, love
b) ****, ****
c) possess, escape
d) marry, forget
e) all of the above

10.  When things were at their best we were always (      ).
a) laughing
b) together
c) *******
d) doomed
e) all of the above
 Aug 2019 n stiles carmona
sage
Orpheus crawled from the ground upon his hands and knees,
His days he faced in bitterness without Eurydice,
He wiped the bloodstains from his face, coughed up gravedirt and leaves,
And tore the music from his throat, resigned to silent be.

Surrendered to the quiet, he deprived the world of song,
Without her harmony, he thought, the melody was wrong,
Perverted echoes tried to sing but they were never strong.
When silent in a violent world, where then could he belong?

Returned then to their wedding bed, alone he lay and wept.
Moonlit air betwixt his wretched, ragged sobbing crept.
His weary lungs began to slow, and at birdsong he slept,
Dreaming, saw a horde of women, manic and godswept.

Her melancholy wails resonated throughout Hell.
Sat upon his throne there reigned the King that knew them well.
Under the crooked back of grief the riot could be quelled,
For dangerous is Orpheus and his melodic spell.

The maenads came for him as prophesied within his dream,
Tore his body limb from limb, a cloak ripped at its seam,
A mad and Bacchic frenzy blinded the infernal team,
From witnessing his dying smile, as if at last, redeemed

Two lovers’ outstretched hands reach now across the murky water,
Drowning out the souls who shout in mourning for their slaughter.
The bridge of years they passed apart was, in an instant, broken,
They did not trust themselves to sing, so ‘I love you’ was spoken.
the first poem i actually wrote with a set metre, so i  already know it's not great lol
Out of my flesh that hungers
and my mouth that knows
comes the shape I am seeking
for reason.
The curve of your waiting body
fits my waiting hand
your ******* warm as sunlight
your lips quick as young birds
between your thighs the sweet
sharp taste of limes.

Thus I hold you
frank in my heart's eye
in my skin's knowing
as my fingers conceive your flesh
I feel your stomach
moving against me.

Before the moon wanes again
we shall come together.


And I would be the moon
spoken over your beckoning flesh
breaking against reservations
beaching thought
my hands at your high tide
over and under inside you
and the passing of hungers
attended, forgotten.

Darkly risen
the moon speaks
my eyes
judging your roundness
delightful.
True friends trust and love indeed
while lovers think too much and bleed
Their love ends in a graceless Hell
spoiled by thinking none too well
Fooling around with the idea that love ends when it begins to be governed by the head, rather than the heart, I wrote this corny little poem.  I'm not sure that I like it, but I guess I do.
Natalie!
at present I am present on a small isle,
which is so green genteel
to the eyes and the ayes,
you might include it
among yet unmastered possibilities,
living here forever.

indeed, the crescent beach so welcoming that
francais et l'anglais des anglaise is spoken here,
but actuality
has a way of intruding,
like
Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Bleu,
saying I know you,
even if it doesn’t

this breeze bearing load suggests your name
as a candidate for future, honours, an MBE,
a practiced curtsy for a queen,
whatever is he babbling about?

why I am presenting an outline for a screenplay that
will make you a little rich and somewhat fameuse
so you buy a house on the water,
party all night,
write in the miracle wonder of the late afternoon
on a summery isle,
modestly hungover

say!

where is this isle so sheltered,
where nooks are set aside for poets and drunks
to pub crawl, to stand on tables and Irish sing of
those things that poets endlessly babble?

so add :

come here and let us listen to all your possibilities
and cross just this one,
your presence here,
off the list
 Apr 2019 n stiles carmona
iva
I think, I say, I loved you before -
yes. Picture it: these different
bodies, tangled under different
sheets, you & these quiet moments
before.

I think it started even before
that - right from the moment
you took breath & sobbed.
Don't you see, baby, you were born
mine.

Picture us in the light:
glory haloed, something other
than blood or water, violent
mouths & all teeth, gnawing
right to the bone.

Let me. I'm going to make this as
terrible as I know how.

I mould & ruin you with
these hands, I call you baby,
darling, mine, mine, mine;
I make you a god and nothing
less.

Show me again, my god - there is no
prayer for the way you shudder. Hold on,
wait for me,

I'm going to make you see stars, baby doll,
you're not going to wanna miss
this.
Yeah idk either man this kind of creeps me out & i'm the one who wrote it.
 Apr 2019 n stiles carmona
Ason
Like Orpheus, ****** of lyric and word
I pray my song will not meet thy sleeping ears
But pour through orifice meant for only one,
​My veil be lifted!

Sweet and swift, words of thy present god,
Plead mine eyes set forth without jest,
For backward glance should destroy my love
​If only for my spirit,

Eternal in thy presence but still without,
Eternal in flames from whence thine eyes yet slept
But woken now for my loves melody to take,
​Not the hand of Hades!

Bound is my chain of yearning to which only thee holds the reins,
Thy past with dear Aphrodite becomes my right.
To know where thine love lies true, thou shalt not sway from my lead;
​I turn only for my love!

Where doth thine eyes wander, should mine stray not from thee?
Where hath thine eyes gone before thy saving grace?
This lyre charmed the wrath of death for mine prize,
​Thy love and thy word

With thou in step to this ascent toward worldly pleasure,
Thy love only known without falter.
Mine trust of thine Hades falls as feathers from a dove,
​Thy purity is false

And thus, I must turn to know thine ways,
Praying for the lies of Hades, if only for my spirit,
I turn to face thine histories and met with thine ashes
​My trust forsaken!
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