I write for the hurt kid in me,
the one that cowers from the world
I write so maybe she'll hurt less
so maybe she'll share more with me
so maybe I'll feel a bit better.

So when they ask "Are you okay?"
reply in honesty
because half the time i wasn't okay
because half the time i lied
because half the time i would hide
all my feelings as if they would
just go away.
like toxins in the comforting breeze
but i was wrong
just like the times
i hoped for change without changing

And when he told me the bitter reality
and after i cried
and after i screamed
and after i fell
i didn't move on
my bones cried out in agony
and my heart mourned
but i couldn't move on.
Don't get me wrong i say
my life was a mess before then
but who can say how they felt as a babe?

So i try to recall the more it
slips further
i can't imagine being too distraught
but looking back makes me teary
why?
i barely knew her, both of them
actually, factually i knew both for
four years
Am i supposed to be sad?
mad?
my thoughts are muddled in the
cesspit of disparity

But look at ME!
look now and don't be fooled
it's true i took a beating
black and blue
but I'm here- alive
by luck, sure but see
i don't count that as me
i'm much more than words can describe

A Motherless child,
one who cries in the night.
A God-fearing, child rearing Father,
one who tries with all his might.
Two younger, unlike each other.
Vying for the attention, Father.
Crying for the Mother, Father.
Trying to tend the younger, Father.
Flood the house now, save it for later,
Dear Daughter.

A new life ahead of me
working so hard
i'm scared i'll be
pushed down, strung out,
wrecked up, all again.

A shiny new chance for me
trying all anew
worried now i'll see
turmoil, destruction,
death, all again.

A new life ahead of me
working so hard I know I'll be
strong, confident,
successful, all new.

A shiny new chance for me
trying all anew
happy now I'll see
success, beauty,
life, all new.

The purpose of life
I can't say i'm sure.
Most days i'm too tired
too tired to sleep
if you know what i mean
and the ocean keeps calling
the ocean of sweet demise
my knockout is certain
but only in time
so hard to keep going each day
but i do
so that one day
i'll make it okay for you

can i be punished for this life
you gave it to me
unkind savior
i punish myself for what i have
strife with a knife
unkind savior
you punish me for what i've done
you take it from me
unkind savior