"I will never leave you"






            "I heard that a thousand times"
"yet here I am alone"

For years im always at awe.
With your writings.
For years I have been a big fan of you.
You have that special touch with every verses you write.
And I couldnt say no more.
You encourage me to write.
And I have written
Allot of stories but more of you.
I dont know why but I have kept searchin for your poems.
The day you have deleted or maybe blocked me from your tumblr.
I felt devastated for I was obsessed
And I was already drowned by how deep you write.
Now I followed you here but I cant even follow you.
For Im scared and Im still puzzled.
May this reach you.
My dear partner gwyn.

Theres allot of things that I wanted to be lie.
And theres allot of things I wanted to be the truth.

Like the day you told me.
"I wont leave you"
I wanted that to be true.
Or
When they said "everything gonna be fine"
Even when they told me about the toothfairy, the easterbunny, santa or even the grinch.
I wanted them to be all true.

Yet they always tell lies
To somehow make us feel okay.
But in the end we will realized that everything was a lie.

But I wanted allot of things to be a lie.

•Anxiety
•Depression
•prejudice
•sadness

I wanted them to be a lie because Im tired of lying and hiding the truth.

Im tired of saying "I'm Okay"
Im tired of saying "Good Morning , Day, or Night"
Im tired of showing a smile that only hides whats inside.

I want a time
Where my lies will be seen as lies and the truth may be seen.

Tic Toc Tic Toc
The clock is always winding up
Waiting for me to make a mistake
Even when I have nothing at stake
For I have gambled  
everything in Love
So when I lose
I only lose myself
In this world
Thats on the mercy
Of a clock.

One night. One man dared to be free. Free from himself, Free from all, he got tired of the feeling of being controlled by a system that makes him no better than a robot. So he walked miles through the darkness of the path, he murmored. "I Will be free. I will be Free. Im tired at the same time im sick. Sick of being me." He continued to walk as he reached the side of a river and Cold winds blows to his shoulders like the frozen touch of winter. He got shivers throughout his body and said to himself this is it Im free. The day number one. Then he was puzzled and asked himself what does a free man do? Not knowing the answer and he has no one to ask for he is alone. Then he sat at the bank of the river and he contemplated and again ask himself what does a free man do? Who should I ask? I know allot of people but I dont know who among them is free. He was stumped for the deeper he thinks the harder to answer to his own question. After a while he stops thinking and just look around. Then he saw the river just flowing not caring for  as long as it flows but in a a distant sight he saw a wall that was redirecting the flow of the river. And got stomped again for he thought he already the answer but he doesnt. Then as he looked at the sky and he laughed so hard. For sunrise is quite close. Then he realized I am free for I can do this. I am free because I am me and no one can do it better than me.

Turning point of my life. A care free lazy person. Thats who I was. I didnt really cared what would be the consequences of my action, im too lazy to even bother to think about it. All I know that everything that would happen in the future is the conclusion of your present actions. May it be bad or good. I would always say "NO REGRETS". Yes there were none for my actions but it always the opposite for the action that I didnt made. These "REGRETS" have hunted me for a while now because I realize that not all things in the future is the result of the action you made but it could be also the result of the ones you didnt. The future which is the result of the actions you didnt made, ***** because no matter how I will try to face it, I will eventually lose because no matter how strong I think I am  then. It doesnt change the fact that I was afraid of making those actions. No matter how much I drown myself in alcohol or tears. Nothing will change, believe me I really tried. Now the only thing I can do is make peace with my past accept that I was weak. Accept that I was once afraid. Acknowledge that I made a mistake. And now I will try to be a little braver because now I know my mistake. And I urge everyone I know to take the risk be brave to take action. Take flight and do good.

The end is near so they speak. The end is truly near for this year. Everyday we rushed into things. We take a time of one duty to fullfill another . We feel the day is long if we did allot of things but its the opposite. We rushed into things thats isnt its due time we think about the future but barely grasping what is in the present. Living our daily lives like an upgraded robot. Doing things in a rushed manner. We forgot to cherished the present the work we are doing because we are looking into the future the product of our work. How many minutes, hours and days we lost because we are to eager to see the future when the present matters most.