kissing silence instead of pushing her away
running away from any type of pain
night-crawling, snoozing all day
night-crawling, losing my days
smoke, smoke, smoke it all away
i can already feel myself elevate
they want me to pay for pills to fix my brain
i shouldn’t have to pay to stay sane

gaslit, bad trip
told my reality wasn’t happening
the present, in the moment
my cover is rupturing
for years i let your words cut me down
for years i let the shame run down
my bleeding face, kept up a violent pace
for who, for what, and why
for me, for you, why do I try
can never be right, stuck in wrong
can never be white, soaking in swan songs

i never second guess its omnipresence
but i do underestimate its lack of reverence
rendered second fiddle to my own body
my own mind, bubbling up inside
i should never second guess its power
thought i was built strong, that i would tower
until it broke me down like salt in water
like a fish out of water
gasping for my life, except theres no threat to see
silence is deafening, voices whispering
ribbons undoing, time i keep losing
i should never second guess its control
simply riding the monstrous waves as they come
i finally learned to swim, the first couple years nearly did me in
hide in shadows and caves, played the mind games
and i lost
tried to scale the waves
and i lost
i keep losing
anxiety keeps brewing
a fresh *** daily like your favourite brewery
pretty till broken like jewelry
imprison by my own cells
lacking in unity

leave room for progress
planning out my dreams laying on your chest
life is so sweet, so perfect
life is so good, am i deserving?
ive been hurt before, ive wished for more
but right now i am content
i am no longer drowning in my head
no longer wishing on candles for your hand
to intermingle with mine, to rewind the times
to when you got me high
once upon a life, prince and knight
oh our love story
was clearer than blue skies