I want to write again
I want to feel
Like I did back then
When my day depended
On the words I had chosen
-- The life I put
In my poems

I want to write again
I want to feel
The thrill of the pen
The delight that rushes through my veins
When the right words blend
The pain I endure
Once my thoughts
No longer make sense

I am exhilarated
When I start
Scribbling on paper
My heart at peace
As soon as I polish it
On my typewriter

I write again
I write
Like nothing ever happened
Like not a thing prevented me
Months at an end

I write again

I write
Because it is who I am
Because in time,
I always return
To my essence
-- That in the end,
Nothing feels quite right
Unless I am writing.

Take a look
What do you see?
Maybe cross your eyes
Then look more closely
Do you see what I've been portraying?
Has your view
Been askew
So now you see more clearly?
Has my visage and form
Come together now?
I've been this all along
Although, I don't know how
Perhaps try again later
When your mind has had a rest
It not something worth seeing
When my confidence chooses to digress.
It's easier to ignore
When I make a fool of myself
You see the tattered humor
But not much else
A smile
A joke
A laugh
A hoax
A false account
Of what you describe
Because I'm someone less funny
Behind my own eyes.
I ****
I choke
I scream
And provoke
I use
I abuse
I tend to seem gentle
But I fake that too
The illusion is
I act just like you
Between the folds
Of good intention
And generosity
Is something else lurking
Less able to act empathetically
My friends can be counted
On fewer fingers than foes
But I have but two hands
And that's the way it goes
A pillar of control
But addicted to addiction
I love to touch bodies
But secretly hate the friction
And now you stare like I've nothing to show
My optical illusion
Like I would want you to know
The thrill inside if me grows
Of taking and ******
Your opinion that clearly shows
And it all thanks to you
I suppose
When you said fake it till I make it
I embody clear responsibility
But look closer
I'm full of ****

Images
Of our memories
Memories covered in darkness

Images
Of our romance
Romance without love

Your figure tips across my skin
Your lips pressed gently against mine
Your hand in mine
Our feet swaying side to side
We dance
These are my favorite images
You said you would never forget these images

Now in images I only see
Tall buildings in the distance
Reality finally caught up to me
I love you and I thought you loved me too
Ofcourse I never want you to be unhappy
So I'll say goodbye
And promise to never let you hear me cry from heartbreak
Then it'll be easier for you

Goodbye my loveless soul mate
Don't worry about remembering images
Images of how you blew me away
Like a crumbled sheet of paper flowing in the wind

Your figure tips across my skin
Your lips pressed gently against mine
Your hand in mine
Our feet swaying side to side
We dance
These are my favorite images
You said you would never forget these images

I don't need you to save my life,
I just want something beautiful
To make me feel alive.

But if you were to be at my side
To help me through the days,
You know I wouldn't mind.

If you knew it wasn't me all along,
Why did you drag me by your side?
Why did you take me for granted?
Was it your intention to make me cry?
Because here I am,
Still wondering why,
What I ever did to you.
All I did was love you,
All I did was care.
I guess I cared too much,
Because now you're nowhere.
You'll forever be ingrained in my mind,
Footprints on my heart.
You've left your mark on me,
Changed who I am,
But now you're not here to see.
You don't get to see the new me,
The me that you helped form.
I learned from you,
And you sure as hell taught me a lot.
You taught me how to love,
Not just others but myself.
I'm not quite sure why you're still the topic of my writing,
For it's been over a year.
But not a day goes by where I don't think about you.
I miss you,
I miss us,
Whatever it may have been,
You can't tell me you didn't feel it too.

I'd give up my left arm to always be right beside her. My right arm for her to know she's what I have left and both arms to be able to hug her when's she away. I just don't think I have enough to give to get the courage to tell her when she's here.