Kiss me, **** me, make me, want to die.
Burn a hole, right through my insides.
Pinch me. Punch me. watch me as I bleed.
Take my heart and rip it from my spleen.

Black for all those darker thoughts clouding my mind.
I'm feeling a bit blue,  everyday for a few hours.
Red is all I see, raging fire behind my eyes.
Getting out of bed is a chore, food never fills me, and sleep is only an 8 hour long nightmare.
I have lost all the friends I never had and the ones I do don't understand me.
I am a story about oblivion, nothing left but an empty shell to remember me by.
When people ask me where have I been I say that I died and they laugh as if I am joking but I'm not!

Dance in the flowers of springtime like a flower without petals.

I have never heard of such.

Never heard of a flower without petals, a lion without a roar, a tree without bark.

These things are simply unheard of like sacred souls.

They never see these things or the stitches on your heart holding you together, never heard of a heart that doesn't love.

Never heard of a tiger without stripes and the pride of them , for what would we know if not these things?

What about Maya Angelou who told us of the caged bird that sings or Langston Hughes who taught us to take our dreams, spread our wings and fly with them?

A flame without heat is not so, it is ignited like the rage flowing through our veins when yet another African American boy is faced down,
on the ground,
unarmed,
with blood of his own flowing out of him.

Never heard of is it?

Just like the streets that would scream if they could speak, so would Andy Lopez if wasn't already six feet under just for being 13.

These are the things that are not unheard of, we just never hear them.

I think maybe it is time these things be recognized and not cast aside, so that maybe their is hope for a bright future.

That we might never have to see a world where flowers have no petals and lions no roar.

But finally at peace with no war.
Just love.

Give me a reason to love the way you fist connects with my jaw and your boot to my shins.
Give me a reason to enjoy the taste of blood pooling in my mouth.
Give me a reason to smile at the bruises on my sides and my thighs.
Because I can't  seen to find a **** good thing about the hate you spew out of your lips and express in your fist,
but tell me that you love me and all the "baby I'm sorry's.
Theres a cycle of pain that never ends,
a line between love and hate but you don't know the difference.
Now you want me to find pleasure in the bullet i've bitten but there is no more me.
No more me to say another **** "baby I'm sorry".

Sunset turn the sky a light crimson,
the same color of my wrist and thighs.
They sing the song about the blades as the brush and the wrist as the canvas but they forgot to mention the mind.
Its the paint  spreading the pain all around,
coloring our thoughts a deep shade of blue.
What about the heart?
It being the orchestrator of it all.
Giving you a place to store every creation and every cry...

if these are the tools we use to create our destructive pieces then who is the painter?
You.
The ones who take priority in making my painting a disaster.

I finally turned red with rage,
green with envy,
and blue with depression.
For,
why can't I just turn happy?
Simply fill me with the purple smile of a dancing clown.
Let me not frown,
I just want to smile.
Can you make me look happy?
color me a new shade of pink,
rosy cheeks that will never be mine.
Only the hollow empty black pits disguising themselves as big, brown, wide, eyes.

Dread brought out from my forest of feelings.
I order myself around, head down, don't show your blush, your face is flushed, they're gone now look up.
Yes.
I have a crush; But this isn't just a crush its a crime, against God, my mother, that girl who just said gross.
More orders.
Sit down, look away as she smiles in your face because you will only fall harder for her.
Oh, how I wish I could touch her hair and see if its really as soft as it looks.
her eyes are so inviting and they seem deeper than the ocean.
Flawless or flaw filled skin I Don't care!
All I see is a beautiful girl that will never be mine, on the sidelines is where I stand at the dance.
Waiting for a dance with her that will never happen.
Just another to the puzzle and I'm exactly the perfect fit for a best friend just not a girlfriend.
Those eyes.
So full of wonder and joy but mine only filled with pain because she doesn't  feel the same as I do.
Sit down, don't look around, don't breathe in her flowery scent as if is your last breath.
The roses only bloom in the spring but she is a rose of another breed, blossoming into the most beautiful flower all year round.
Slim fingers for a warm embrace, oh if I could trace the lines in her face I would remove every frustration.
Her mind is as beautiful as she, knowledge filled, ready to build up walls to keep everything out.
I want to tear down them down, see her frown turn up. My orders.
No!
Don't touch her rosy cheeks, stop trying to peak at her smile, when she asks you what's wrong brush it off!
If we could just go back to first grade where I first fell for her I would never have said hello.
Kept my mouth shut and taught my heart to do the same.
Most say that I'm confused and that I can never truly understand love but I do.
I love her!
My Final orders.
Be a Good Friend.
Don't cry.
Don't let her see you pain