my favorite color is
Purple on my skin and
Red on my cheek
Reminders of control
The sound of gripping leather
Singing sweetly in my ear
The wet fear from Your eyes that turn yellow with livid flame
Warm brushing past my bottom of
What holds Your treasure from me.

Swimming into the ivory depth of
Every fiery star in the known universe from my
Vivid imagination
Illusions that I wake up from by every
Pinch of my *******
Bend and tear me
Fallen scraped knees at Your feet
Where i belong
i’m still with You, i think.

But if i lose myself in grey clouds
The shock of Your lightning
Will free me.

Fresas partidas en la cocina
Rojas y dulces como cuando
Me cojes con sentimiento

Las ventanas no se habren
Cortinas sucias
Con diseños de manzanas
Mordidas, secas de su jugo de vida
Asi como ayer

No entra luz en este silencio tan
Medida.

It's like laying on a white bed
Pillows pushed aside
My hair tainting the purity of the sheets
And you beside me
And you beside me
Your pupils ******* my reality into a vortex
Of sweet drops of
Coconut oil
I've fallen in your deep sea and
All the frightening creatures still couldn't
Push me away.

Ahora me despierto sentiendo
Los violines tocando franticamente
Las pestañas mojadas
Terror en cada uno de mis dedos
Cada pensamiento un pecado

Que si no fuera por esa
Puta desgraciada
No estuviera en mi sillon
Queriendo, queriendo
Saber que quiero
Y no tengo el poder para
Cambiar tu caida
Pero logro intentar, siempre intentar, amor

En toda tu vida
Los dias que falten
Sera una sola mosca en la pared,
Secando tus lagrimas.

Me deje ser vulnerable
Abierta
De las piernas hasta las
Cajas de memorias que
Me quemavan el cerebro
Me deje convertir en
Agua a tus manos

Y ahora estoy sentada
Jorobada en la esquina de mi cuarto
No se como cerrarme otra vez
Ni con pegamento
Puedo volver
Al inicio.

When i hear the electric strings
The strained throats
The memory of You turns into
Liquid form that bathes me.

He stabs me with words
Detaching each letter from the one before
He sharpens the ends
With a hot iron sword
And ****** my heart
Just enough
Just enough

He won't let me die
Each moment alone
The silence between your words
My ears are bleeding from your
Pitch dark memories

An image to
**** for.

Trickling in my veins like a poison
You're toxic
Killing me slowly
Black tar thick like the love I once had for you

I'm running in a circle
Pure hatred bruises me
And I can't stop drowning.

Loneliness is a disease that's
Cure is like feeling the wind brush my hair
Swinging in the dark
Hold my hand through this rough ride
I didn't know where I was going but
I'd rather be clueless with you in your
Backyard observations
Tell me more about the world like how
Jolly Ranchers taste good when you're on the brink of self destruction
Or how
Your strength makes my trembling cease
Wrap me up in your shelter, sunshine
And the color of your eyes will be drawn in my soul from now on.

The vase broke when they said
You left.

Picture me
In a desert
Long from where you are, love
Grains of sand in my shoes
Like him, hurting the soles of my feet
Sun rays beaming on my back
It's the only way I feel warmth anymore
Sweat drips down my collarbone
This is where I belong

Picture me
In your backyard
Long from where you are, love
Thin branches from your tree
Leaves rustling in the gray hued sky
Stars have not emerged yet
Like my mind, blank and dull
Reaching for the spaces between your fingertips
Will I always be alone here?

Picture me
In front of you
Long from where you are, love
I don't exist to you
And how do I make the throbbing go away?
I jump in black holes to be
Stretched out, limb by limb
Just to have
A word
With you.

But you'll never know me, love.

Dear mother,
I still remember the days you would wake up and
Make us pancakes
Dance in daddy's shorts
You were full of life.

I catch scents that remind me of your sweet perfume (Elizabeth Taylor)
And everytime I see a butterfly
I feel your breath
The fragrance of sweet pink roses you left behind,
The curls I have left of you.

I still remember your unchanging love for us
That is now buried 6 feet under my ***** converse
Your relentless worry
Your cell phone number at the top of my head
(I dial it from time to time).

I still feel the void that remained
And how we tried to stay together
After you looked away from the world
Who would've thought that daddy would
Bruise me
Beat me
Touch me
(I'm so sorry you saw that).
Who would've thought brother would muffle my screams
Eat my soul
Lick my tears
(I'm sorry you didn't know).

And there's no real way to end this but
To know I will always miss
The way your lip rolled back when you laughed
Don't worry momma
We are okay
Sometimes
We'll be okay
And we'll meet again
But until then

Happy Mother's Day.

Like a flame
You've burnt out,
Leaving only hot wax that sears my skin.

"Paint me a picture,"
You said
But you destroyed my canvas.

Days pass by
Your sweet smile fades
Disintegrating in the desert wind
My heart grows numb
I am careless

Life goes on without you
Its ok, I tell myself
You were never mine
Its ok, I tell myself
And I drown myself in words
Meaningless scribbles
What is there to write


         After you're gone?

We were at a concert
Music pounding
Our hearts colliding
You were there with me
I felt so secure
So in love
And you held my hands like
You’d never let go
And I was playing with your child
Beautiful blonde boy
His life had your energy of
Love
And you'd never let go
But it was just a dream
Never wanted to wake up again
It was just a dream
And I opened my eyes to this
Sad reality
Of never being in your dreams
Too.

She walks upright
To convice herself
She's worth a word
She looks at reflections of herself on the
Windows
Mirrors
Puddles on the ground
To believe
There's a galaxy inside her womb
But she lies
The reflections bleed symphonies
Criticizing her
Scars
Weight
Intelligence
Self worth
She's a *******
A ******* ****
And she will never believe the outside world when they say -

STOP.

I guess I've decided to try this site out because I can't tell real people in my life my emotions, so I will do it here, relentlessly, unafraid.

Plus I'd really like to go back to having hobbies, especially poetry.