I don't want to be wanderlust
I want to be wandering.

my stomach is in knots
and i feel so sick thinking about you
holding anyone that isn’t me
and i don’t understand why you thought it’d be a good idea
to tell me that you’re falling asleep at night
with another girl in your bed,
even if you’re not kissing her goodnight,
i tried to drown out my sobs all day with
modern vampires of the city on vinyl,
but it still feels like someone
sunk fangs in my lungs

it’s only been a week, the cuts from your nails
from holding my heart so tight
are still fresh
and i never asked you to stop,
i never told you i wanted to try
to be more than friends again,
i never tried to paint your hands red,
but all you could seem to do is defend
yourself and repeat that you’ve done nothing wrong
“you said we’re just friends
you said we’re just friends
you said we’re just friends”

and we are just friends
i just wanted you to understand and acknowledge
that it still hurts

and you can say you’re sorry, you said sorry,
but i’m sure she’s tucked in beneath your sheets right now
and you’re still repeating in your head
i’ve done nothing wrong
i’ve done nothing wrong
i’ve done nothing wrong
we’re just friends
we’re just friends
we’re just friends

and i’m glad you’re comfortable,
i’m glad you know you’ve done nothing wrong,
i’m glad you have someone to hold at night,
i’m glad thoughts of me don’t rip your heart out,
i’m glad you’re okay with being just friends

i’m glad you’re fine,

but, i’m sorry,
i’m not.

And I felt my lips crack,
broken from the cold
and lack of contact

And I felt my heart crack
two nights ago,
bare legs sprawled on the tile,
heaving,
throwing up everything
that didn't make me forget
about you,
and you would never love
a girl like me
and I don't
blame you.

You can feel your heart breaking.

I watch you walk away
and wonder how you don't know
how much I love you,
because I've all but run to you with
arms wide open,
screaming "YOU MAKE ME WANT
TO CHANGE MYSELF TO CHANGE THE WORLD
TO BE OKAY TO BE FREE TO BE
IN LOVE AND NOT BE AFRAID YOU MAKE
ME FEEL ALIVE."

You can feel your heart breaking.

And maybe I'll hold you when she breaks
your heart,
wipe away tears when you fall asleep
so the rainfall doesn't wake you,
and maybe you'll never let me be the
one to keep your heart whole,
but you'll always be the one
who shatters mine and puts it back together
all at once, always, I'll feel like this always,
feel my heart breaking.

The day is near
The one where love overcomes fear
Where nobody is meant to shed a tear
But that's not for everybody this year

"Oh boy, Valentine's Day!"
All the kids seem to say.
Is it normal to be at home,
On a day where you're not supposed to be alone?

Is it normal to remain in a bed,
With no significant other in my head?
Is it normal to have my hand on a controller,
Rather than in someone's hand?

Valentine's Day is meant to be filled with love!
Everyone is meant to have a white dove
So why is it that I can barley find someone willing to give me a hug?
Well at this point, I'm better off just going for a tug.

Valentine's day isn't meant for everyone
And unfortunately I'm nobody's ***
So I'll just lay in my bed
My pillow becoming well acquainted with my head.

I have dipped my toe
in the secret,
most private,
endless
ocean
that will swallow you
in the
blnk
of an i.

I want to be *******
devoured and
unearth mermaids.