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md-writer Aug 2018
memories, like ashes flung
across the web of time -
are half-burnt logs where dreams still
sputter;

and I bid them all goodbye

no one knows the sorrows,
nor the joys of light unseen,
when stirring through the ashes
of yesterday's dreams

farther than an ocean spread
the eagle eye has seen,
but never can the keenest
pierce that gray and ashy sheen

the past is gone - a mirror
of our present selves, I think -
the things we see there
gratify the darlings and the beasts
+
memory, like ashes flung
across the net of time -
are proof that life one time
was lived:
that fevered dream of mine

now dead                      

below the surface,
where the dust is soft and blows
in the gentle gentle breeze;
below the hardened crust of teardrops
raining down down
through the trees:

there the shifting ashes lie;
the happiness of dreams,
the lifting light of love's delight,
the lightning at the seams

and there I roam,
a lost forlorn,
a citizen of dreams
that long ago have burnt to ash
and scattered all my things
+
memory, like ashes flung,
across this web of mine,
with shadows in the corner comes
and wakes the dragon Time

each forward step                          
              a drop of fuel
                 each hour
a log of pine

and always always flickering
that fire we all call mine

till memories, like ashes flung,
across the wrinkled line,
fill up the span my steps have spun
and dry the noonday sun

+

and I stirred the fire to flame again
and thought of her no more
cold ashes are sad; but none would be a tragedy
md-writer Jul 2018
My heart is such a stupid thing,
I cannot tell a lie
But deep inside the stinking walls
There's plenty rotting piles.
Don't destroy the only thing you've ever loved
I laugh. I cry. I do it anyway;
It's all a play
a farce, a dutiful desire to feel
Some pain of some kind somewhere

where no one can ever see the tears that fall and puddle in the deep spots of my insides where there is hardly any light and I only know they're there because the water weighs me down...

and every time I look at her I smile
every time I look at her I die
and every time I dream of her, she's right there by my side
So I can't tell the difference anymore;
nightmare, daydream, its all the same to me

flip hair, crimp hair, I'm on my way to hell.
let the fires fade away, tell the doorman he can
stay,
I want to tell the story to a face that doesn't know

Strangers give me freedom because there is no consequence. But those who love me stick like glue
So I can't tell them truly. What I am
Inside
Is a secret fit for none but me and h̶e̶r̶ .
md-writer Apr 2018
the things I'm most ashamed of
stick the clearest in my mind
All else fades.
md-writer Mar 2018
Still bleeding.
Except for all the in-betweens
when I forget.

Still bleeding.
In the deep parts we so quickly
learn to wash away.

Still bleeding.

Most of us are.
Some have learned to forget to remember.
But if we did, we would bleed
just like yesterday.
Every one of us.

Time heals no wounds.
Forgetting doesn't stop the flow.
We all bleed red in the darkness.

Some of us just look away.
Pretending.
Let's play make-believe again someday. Maybe then we could forget.
md-writer Mar 2018
every drop of knowledge dries me out

full to the brim and still an empty husk

+++

i dive into the water

to soak in the very words of God

but this cursed shell of humanity

like water tension

keeps me afloat, suspended

on, above, upon

but never in

i can hear, see, test the limits, feel

but always i am swirling in the currents

looking down into the plunging depth

of the face of perfect God

oh to be soaking in the murk of glorious knowledge

deep and slow

near the bedrock essence

hovering close, a particulate suspended

in pure water by the Is of God.

oh to be transformed within that whirring infinite

unchanging, ceaseless change

and infinite action, a mathematical point

inverted as the fullness of all

in all

in time and not

i glimpse an eternal flicker

of infinitude

seen, but just beyond the horizon

heard, but quieter than the smallest sound

felt, but gliding through the sense receptors

He is here inside me

but i cannot comprehend it

and the world creaks, bearing

divinity in my soul, the weight of purest being

+++

i see light, and it blinds me

heat, it is inside me

and i die.
md-writer Feb 2018
Needles seeking north with
cursed magnets in the way.
Some call it stupid;
But I say brave

And wish that I was one.

Reluctantly
The driver stops
To watch me leave his whirring chair.
I nod and say goodbye.

Sparkles fill the air
Where fly the remnants of my broken dreams,
Shattered by the hardness of my cold and quaking heart.

And then he drives away.

I'm faltering
Just on the edge
Leaning out above the flow
Of time and space and whispers in the dark.
Happy is the man whose heart is one
Whose heart is won.

And I?

I'll be okay.
In time.
The driver will come back to me
and find a wholly different flower
In the pocket of my coat.
He'll smile when he sees me
Like he always does.

Feathers aren't weightless,
but they sure help you fly.
Heartache, too, gives wings to
your sigh.

Someday, I'll build a new boat.
Someday, I'll try.
Someday, I'll laugh and it won't be a lie

But now? Who am I kidding, really.
md-writer Feb 2018
Stumbling
Weary voices screaming soft and slow
A whine

How am I to understand

Gulls and shrieking colonies
Have never opened up to me
I can't divide the hurtle of millions
Into the movement of one head here
A feather there
And mouths agape for more

Cram a colony inside my head
Bursting with busy, covered in crap

Do you wonder now
Why I cry myself to sleep
Why I dread the light of morning
Why I stare into the deep.

I can't escape it. A million miles of progress twisted into half a cup of brain.
And not in order, either.

All's a mess within.

So how am I to understand
How am I to live
Vaguely, I suppose.
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