I try to do right
but I have my vices
And for that, I have my guilt.

I know my heart
And want to live by its course
Despite my windy nights.

Living awake when I should be sleeping
Is all too familiar, all too comforting.
Why should I avoid the moments that I have had
the most of?

I tried to fall asleep early,
but I have my nights.
I have myself;
to credit and to blame.

I want her
to not just remember that she is beautiful
but to know it always.

I need her
to love her how I love her -
in all of her ways.

I will only trade gold
for gold.

I remember falling in love -
Feeling attachment rush
Like cold water
Over my head.
It felt like waking up.

Alcohol and vices
Spread their arms and warm
My shivering heart.
I'm dozing back to sleep.
I'm resting again
While time passes.

I remember moments of vulnerability
And honesty
And weakness.
I fell through the surface
And swam through the cold.
I held my breath in the depths
And woke up breathing.