Twisted brain shiver spine tickle
Morbid curiosity has the wheel and lead feet
The torch is melting your face
Death beats you with a fire extinguisher
Death keeps screaming "it's for the irony"
You high five with exuberance.

You are heaven-sent
Yet you always seem to forget.
Born in pain and agony,
Brought screaming into this world with regret.
And yet
You chose to let that define your life.

Blocking every shot that comes your way,
Until your find yourself at the bottom
Drowning like all your fake friends.
But it takes spine and guts to face yourself
To take action and change.

Will you brave those waters through still and storm?
Will you be more than just a verse in a song?

i am the sun

and you are the moon

i am energizing, uplifting, and warming

and you are calming, comforting, and graceful

i will melt the snow and you will guide the weary travelers

we are an almost perfect love

but it isn't perfect enough

because i am garish, overpowering, flaming

because when you reach for my hand your own is scalded

because when you caress my cheeks your fingertips sizzle

because when your lips ghost over mine i ignite a fire in your throat, engulfing you, burning you alive in my love

because your soothing soul can't handle the heat and i can't smother my own flame, my heart which burns and ravages and destroys

so i will stay far, far away from you and anyone else

to keep myself from blinding you with my searing love.

i am the sun

and you are the moon

and i am too much for you.

I can see your hair,
Winding up,
Up,
Towards the sky,
Shining in the sun,
Like seaweed.
Your hands are
Gripping the ocean
Floor,
Holding tight
To ancient wreckage
At the bottom of the sea.

Bubbles
Dance up to the surface,
From your lips,
You're running out of
Air
Under there.
I dive down,
Down,
Into the murky water,
So low
I can feel the pressure
On my chest.

I extend my arm,
Grabbing onto you,
Before anymore harm
Is done.
But you push me away,
Back up to the
Cold wind.
I get a glimpse of your eyes,
Closed
To the painted, sunset, skies.

I'm watching you,
Lose more oxygen,
I'm watching you,
Knowingly drowning.
Afraid to see the life beyond
This,
And I can't save you,
But I keep trying to.

I think you were
Proud of me
I was always your
Little girl
You forgot I wasn't
Little anymore but even
When you couldn't show it
You still loved me.

Were you proud of me
When I played guitar and
Sang badly or well, depending
Because you loved it?
Even after he told you the
Secret I wanted you to
Die not knowing because
I didn't want to hurt you?

Would you be
Proud of me today if
You'd been dealt a fairer hand?
Would you love to hear
The poetry I write in smeared
Pencil and read aloud to airy rooms?

Would you smile when I
Let loose a sizzling lick
On the guitar I bought with
Money you left me?

Would you hurt when I
Stood in that hallway crying?

Well, tonight I turned sixteen
She sent me money in a sappy card and
A scarf and I called her and you
Weren't there to hear.
Tonight I turned sixteen and
They gave me a beautiful ring
Would you have been in on
The secret?

You weren't there
You weren't there
You weren't there
I wasn't there.

Erase another line keep
On trying to forget but I
Can't ignore these
Graphite graveyards.

Would you love to see me
Stand tall and become
Beautiful, a leader
Myself?

Wherever you are tonight
Do you wish you could
Know the me that losing you
Made into me?

Because I'm proud of me, I
Smile, I hurt, I love, I
Wish, I wish
I wish
I miss
You.

We tap-danced in Target
Skipping up and down with
Doublemint and Milky Ways
Twizzlers and the bittersweet chocolate waltzes.

We crouched in the corner
Not to shoplift, just to talk
Exchanging philosophy with paper towels
And lead the paper plates through secrets.

We walked on cracked sidewalks
Chipped with the dubious glances of fate
How many feet have wandered these streets
And how few have really seen?

We sat in the backseat
As the brownish gray fields rushed by
The setting sun stayed suspended in the sky
Burning up the tired atmosphere.

We drank mixed lemonade in chilled, clinking cups
Front porch step afternoons
Frosted glasses drained of sugary pink
Summer expectations.

When I wished innocently in February on
One cold night saturated in body spray
For friendship to be free
I had no idea how lovely life could be.