I think a lot of thoughts,
At 4am.
And I only ever think of you.

She hasn't let anyone in since the boy before you. The first one broke her heart; leaving it shattered in a million pieces. But she fixed herself.
Not entirely; but to a point where getting out of bed in the morning wasn't totally impossible. Where her bones didn't ache and her skin didn't burn.
Maybe you were consumed by you; too concerned with the fears and desires of your own self to recognize the fears and desires of others. Maybe you just didn't want to experience the past once over. But that's life.
Your touch is now etched into her pale skin and every man's touch after will feel like ice. She will shy away, for tears will brim her eyes; desperately wanting to feel the heat again. To feel air. To be able to breathe.
Because she hasn't been able to. No. Not since you.
She loves you. She always has. But you couldn't give a **** about her.

You keep me sane, but only when I'm in your arms.
I know you could never have given me what I needed, but I still yearn for you; through my every waking moment and even in my dreams.
Oh God, especially in my dreams.
I wish I could tell you these things, but I sit here; writing it all down, in hopes that one day you'll find this and know it's about you. Maybe you'll finally realize how much I loved you.  Maybe you'll realize that while you were claiming temporary residence in someone else's arms, you always had a permanent home in mine. You will always have a home in me. Even years from now, you will.

Iv'e sewn myself shut.
In a desperate attempt,
To seal myself off.
From you.

The worst part is that I can remember the first moment I laid eyes on you.
There weren't fireworks,
Angels didn't sing down from the heavens,
It was completely un-miraculous.
I looked at you,
You looked at me,
And we both looked away.
What was truly special, were the looks exchanged there after.

You've fed my desires, but this hurts too much. With every thought of you; my heart slowly blackens.
It was just supposed to be physical and my biggest mistake was feeling more for you than you'd ever be willing to feel for me.
I don't know how it happened, but I fell for you - hard. I love your laugh, your smile, and your unexplainable talent to get on my nerves. I worry about you too, you know?
Every time I'm not with you, hoping you're okay; because I care.
I wish I didn't, believe me - it would make things so much easier. But unfortunately that's not the situation I face.
I just want to be there for you and see you get everything you could ever want in life - even if that doesn't include me.

We sat there alone..the only ones awake at 2am..
4am..
6am..
I didn't want to sleep, for I feared the very idea of missing out on only mere moments of you.
Pulling me in; the way an ocean shoreline pulls in the morning tide,
Overwhelming my soul with pieces of emotion..I could never even fathomed to be possible.
I yearn for you,
For your smile,
Your humour,
The way you always know exactly how to push my buttons.
I know what your hands feel like on my skin; I could never forget.
I crave that.
Every morning..
And every night.
But I crave merely your presence..
Every morning..
Every night..
And every moment in between.

*- (things I could never say aloud.)

Your skin is sheet white,
And your mind carries scars.
Your hair isn't clean much,
Lungs black with tar.
You love to argue,
About how ****** up we are.
But I still love you.

Tell me, were you ready for the storm that is who I am?
Is that why you quit so easy?
You weren't prepared for the intensity and passion that creates my very being?
For why else, would you give up someone who wanted nothing more from you then to see a smile on your face;
Every moment, of every day.
Someone who just wanted to feel your breath on the back of her neck;
Every Monday morning,
When starting her day is most difficult.

He continued to sing sweet ideas of romance into her eager ears and when she finally allowed her heart to flutter and butterflies to dance in her stomach, he would leave. It was a never ending cycle she wished she could stop. But at the end of the day, when she was crying every last tear out of her swollen eyes, she would close them and relive every single memory they’ve had together, allowing her to feel like she was with him, when in fact, she was farther away from him than she ever was.

As much as I want to believe you’ve changed, I know the reality of the situation is, you haven’t.
You’re the same beautifully, ****** up boy I knew those many months before. You scare me.
And now I'm endlessly self-destructing, on your account.

You are the sun,
I am the moon.
You light, I dark.
No matter how hard we try,
We cannot love.
For we cannot co-exist,
When you are day and I am night.

I gave you my heart,
You slowly squeezed the life out of it;
With every kiss,
That always felt like it would be the last.

I live in a constant state of detachment;
Desperately seeking feeling.
Feeling of any kind.

He was poison,
she was pure.
Everything about her,
laced in naivety and innocence.
He may as well have been the devil,
intent of stripping her of everything she knew.
She wanted something different;
desperate to know what it was like,
being like him.
And she craved crazy,
because hell;
she was crazy for him.