After a while, I realized,
My mind was quite aloft,
All the daydreaming, the crying,
The cursing in between dreams,
So bleak, so dark, so tasteless,
So easy to forget, but so notoriously present,
I no longer sleep at night,
Instead, I sleep with my eyes wide open,
In bare daylight,
I marvel at the talent I've cultivated,
Or, at least, at the unspoken ability that,
The little girl that I once was has resorted to,
Just to bear one more day,
Only one more.

My mind is asleep,
I can't complete simple tasks,
I’m tired,
Early morning,
Late at night,
Time don’t mean a thing,
For I am under an evil lullaby,
There’s no moment,
There's no time,
Just a continuum,
Of flashbacks,
Old memories that keep stimulating my interest,
Or interests that stimulate early memories,
As I look at the supercut of passing scenes from my twin bed.

I still tell them I loved you,
I did, once, I thought of you,
Very deeply,
With a sharp sensitivity,
With a wide smile,
As I recalled our afternoon talks,
The look in your eyes,
That spark that conveyed admiration,
You always said I was strong,
I always said I was clueless,
That was why I was strong,
Because,
Every morning I would wake up thinking,
Of nothing more than leaving,
For a better place,
Far, beyond your dreams,
Beyond the stars that you so much loved,
I wanted to end it,
My life,
But you always told me...how strong I was,
I know I haven't told you this, but I, I loved you once.

Less like home,
More like streets,
Mean streets,
In utter darkness,
Shutting on me,
Blessing me with encounters with the lowlife,
With the cold winters and the "too hot to bear" summers,
Down these mean streets,
I've been looking for the perfect corner,
That side of the street where shoppers stop by,
Because it reminds them of the old times,
When the city was a city,
And the streets were more than mean.

The first time I heard of cat cuts,
Was the first time I heard of gillette blades,
You carried one to defend yourself,
I searched the pockets of your tight jeans, Only to learn,
That some,
Some brave women,
Carry a handful.

I then looked at your bruises,
The red,
The scarred stripes on the back of your forearms,
I was disappointed,
I just didn't know,
About cat cuts & gillettes.