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Mercurychyld Jan 2015
She goes by many names,
like the devil…
‘she, her, woman,
MOTHER.

No one else in this unruly world
can wound and shred me
to the very bone…
not like her,
never like her.

She never understood me,
never really cared to, not at all,
though she’ll swear otherwise,
but,
both I and those that know me
know that she doesn’t ‘get me’
AT ALL.

Don’t tell HER that though,
or even THINK about
contradicting or challenging
her word.

Her word is scripture!

I’ve also gone by various names,
names that spilled so easily
from her wicked tongue…
‘loser, quitter,
pathetic, too fragile,
bad attitude,
mentally ill…for no
good reason
(I was just BORN crazy,
not her fault…never).

More often than not
her conversations
(or rather, monologues)
with me (AT me)
consist of pointing out
my every wrong
(in her superior opinion).

My greatest crime?
NOT BEING LIKE HER,
‘matter of fact she has always
been a great lesson to me
of what NOT to be.

I am a much better mother.
I sometimes forget
(when her voice booms in my head)
yet I DO know that,
without an ounce of doubt.

I can tell, when my boys look at me
and smile with utter adoration
in their beautiful eyes.

I can tell, when they want to
constantly hug me and remind me
how much they love me.
My best friend, all those who
truly have come to know me in
life, seem to think I’m pretty cool.

I know that too, though I
often forget
(when her voice booms in my head).

She taught me…
to fear (everything and everyone),
to rage (only on the inside…God
forbid I expressed anger or hurt).

Some have called me
BRAVE.
I never saw or understood that.
At times I still don’t.

When my firstborn died,
in my arms, before his time,
people called me ‘brave’ because
‘I took it so well’.
I didn’t. A piece of me died
with him that day.

Though I’m often terrified, to
even put one foot in front of
the other I do it every day,
for my sons.

I have always been afraid…
of most everything, most
everyone,
yet I rise each day, pushing past
the depression and fear,
swallowing the bitter tears
and I get up and do what must be done.

Isn’t that what courage is?
Doing something, even while
you tremble in your boots?

I do that very thing.

Guess that does qualify me
as being BRAVE.



-by Mercurychyld
Copyright 30 Jan 15
Fear, courage, pain, redemption.
  Jan 2015 Mercurychyld
River Scott
How to be unhappy all the time:

it's not hard
to be sad
and angry
and unpleased with the world
because the way you see the world
is how you feel
but the way you feel
is how you see the world

and you think,
if all you see,
is the happiness
of your friends
and family
in their life's
and loves
you'd be
inspired
to be happy too

but all I see
is the lack of love
in my life
the lack of someone
to remind it's alright

all I see
is the girl whose found her love
and they are happy together
and I'm happy for them too
I'm just sad for myself

all I see
is the girl with her girlfriend
desperately in love
and I'm happy for them
I'm just sad for myself

all I see
are my friends happy
in everything that happens
and I'm happy for them
I'm just sad for myself

I know wallowing
in self pity
can't get me far
but it's hard to be
happy
when the world
doesn't feel that way.

-r.y.s
I am just sad.
  Jan 2015 Mercurychyld
Hinata
Ever since I was a little girl, I saw things no one saw.
I always looked at the world with awe.
I saw the beauty in people who weren't loved,
In every ******, outcast, and victim.
I was isolated from the world,
For I was merely a girl.
While girls liked dolls and wanted to be Daphane from ****** doo,
I wanted to be Velma and do what all the boys wanted to do.
I robe my bike around my yard,
Even though I would fall on the rocks and hit the pavement really hard.
I had little friends,
I was weird to no end.
I tried to be normal,
I tried to catch up to the people.
However, they didn't see me,
I would just be left all lonely.
I hated elementary,
They only reminded me of being lonely.
I wanted to leave,
I wanted to be free.
I remember that wish as I hung out at the swings,
How I wished that I had wings.
I wanted escape the oppression of my school and home,
I wanted a real friends and I hoped.
Boys were always first.
At home, it was not different, they were the worst.
My older sister said that I had everything that I wanted,
That I was a spoiled brat and unwanted.
My older brother would push me and grab me by the arm,
Saying that I was in the way, causing even more harm.
My mom sided with them,
She only didn't want to get in trouble from HIM.
My dad,
The core of troubles, the only one I can't stand.
Always putting boys first,
Teaching us girls that our job was to cater to them and worst.
We had no say,
We had to do everything he wants in order to stay.
I found no beauty in the family,
It was rotten to the core, it was greedy.
I was hoping that they would see the things that I see,
Stop the nightmares from my closet from coming after me.
I wished they stopped arguing,
I wished they were a real family.
I had no escape,
I didn't even have my own dreams to escape.
I was haunted by nightmares and arguments,
I wanted them all to end.
I would watch a monster from my closet **** everyone near me,
Coming after me.
No one listened,
I was mistaken.
I grew older and eventually stopped pretending,
I shut myself in my walls and shielding.
In the 3rd grade, I stopped wearing pink,
I stopped listening.
I hid behind a frown,
I stopped chasing after the ones who weren't around.
I became an adult when I was young,
I didn't even have a childhood to be proud of.
I couldn't stop seeing beauty,
But I refused to be a victim to their cruelty.
I was an empty shell of a innocent girl,
A young soul who saw the beauty in the world.
I had kept this charade for a couple of years,
Then my wall started to get cracks and tears.
I remember people who saw me,
I remember the ones who became my friends and, later, family.
They finally came,
They finally saw me for who I am and didn't want me to change.
My walls took heavy fire,
It was weakening more than I had desired.
I was scared,
What if they didn't really care?
We went on to high school,
Still friends from middle school.
Then he came into my life,
Putting an end to my shell to hide.
My love came and pulled me out of my shell,
Promising freedom from this hell.
I couldn't believe it,
I didn't think that I was getting what I wished.
My angel with black and red wings,
He's finally come to save me.
They came to save me,
My friends and my real family.
  Jan 2015 Mercurychyld
Venice Williams
She
Everyone thought she was happy and some were even jealous. They thought she had everything and that her life was great the way she came to school always happy and joking around.


They thought she had it all, the grades, the friends, the humor, the boys.

They thought she had the best family because her mom was so funny and brought her lunch or the funny stories she could tell.

They thought she could do most if not anything because she was athletic and fit into any sport or activity she tried.

She was always called by them ,the girl who had so much energy, or, class joker.

What they didn’t know was she would always brace herself before getting out of the car to make sure she had on a smile or the tears in her eyes were hidden. Or even how before she got to class she had to sit on the bathroom floor and pray she could make through one more day.

What they didn’t know was when she joked about how her grades were slipping that she was terrified of what would be said when she got home.

What they didn’t know was she felt like she had no friends and that when she talked to someone she pleaded that they could see her story through her eyes.

What they didn’t know was the boy she liked never even knew her name and when he did he could never see her as anything other than that girl in some of his classes who always had the jokes.

What they didn’t know was she counted down every day at school till she would have to go home and hear the disappointment from her mom. How she counted down the hours, no, the minutes until she could get away from feeling unloved and not wanted.
How she prayed every night for someone to take her away from this place. How around family she was just that girl with the father who was never going to stay.

What they didn’t know was the only reason she was athletic was because she loved to feel everything that weighed her down get lifted off because she pushed herself to the breaking point to just forget about everything else.

What they didn’t know was the names they said all she wished was for her to have one person to call her friend.

But what they did know was that she was Miss Great who had most if not everything going for her.

Some people might say it’s that’s all that matters. What other people know. That they don’t need to know all of your business.

But what if that is what could have saved her. What other people did know.

But soon she’ll just start her day all back over and the process will repeat.

Maybe if you see that one person and look into their eyes you’ll see what they’re trying to tell you. What you can know.

Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see her.
Mercurychyld Jan 2015
At times, the silence
feels as oppressive
as tar,
and just as dark.

When the family
members are gone,
be it to school or work
or wherever,

I take the opportunity
to let her out;
the little girl with
all the scars,
who lives inside…

of the walls,
in between the halls
of my very being.

She cautiously walks along,
quietly,
and finds her spot
among the shadows.

There, she can
taste her fears,
and cry her tears…

with no one the wiser,
no witness to be found,
except the very
walls and halls,

but they can hold
a secret,
or a confession,
with the utmost
discretion.

Standing at a distance,
I allow her her space…

space for expression,
respite from depression,
safety from oppression,
room for regression.

The clock keeps ticking;
it never slows or stops.

She knows the hour
will come for her to,
once again,
return to the place
in which only she
resides,
inside.

Holding on
(for dear life),
till the next chance
she’ll come out,
once again,

for an ever needed
escape
from the tempermental
holds of our
Reality.


-by Mercurychyld
Copyright 29 Jan 15
The much needed break we often need from life. A safe time/place to let it all out.
Congratulations
You proved you could too
Congratulations
Pull the trigger like you said you would do

Congratulations
The bullet entered your brain
There it started to spin
around and around

Congratulations
Then out of your mouth
down it went
and hit the hard ground

Congratulations
There was no one around
They could find no one
Who heard any sound

Congratulations
I remember the times that you said
You needed another man
Like a hole in the head

Congratulations
Well how is it now
Do you think your better off
Now that you're dead

Congratulations
Some say you were just crazy
Certainly now that your gone
You can't argue or dispell

Congratulations
I'm angry and sad
But I guess if the nail fits
Then pound it to hell

Congratulations
I bid thee farewell
Congratulations
You were my really so swell .
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