i’m sorry i cried when you touched me
i wasn’t used to fingers
feeling like feathers
and hands holding me
like a kind of ripe fruit.

lovers before you
were a bit more heavy handed
hard headed
tossing me around like some old toy
that they were tired of
uninspired and
wringing me like
i somehow had the answers
tucked so far in deep.

i am not used to being handled
gently.

i wish you could’ve seen it
the way we love in my dreams-
we were moving
cohesively pulsating
like the cells that course
throughout our veins
and keep us breathing
and alive.

i wish you understood that.
i wish you would have asked me
before leaving that night.

at a certain point
theres only so much i can say
about how the sea carries my heart gently
or about how my stars don’t always align

i could talk about
how i may not feel like the boy
who fell into the well
but more like the clock who ran outta time

i sit and think
that maybe i feel
like a signed off tele at 4am
pulling you from the arms of sleep

selfish as always
unforgiving like a natural disaster
that no one could prevent or see
i run dry and forget how to put anything
delicately.

I burned up in your atmosphere
Just trying to
Get close enough to touch you
Just trying to get
Close enough to hear you say
“Yeah, I love you too”

You do?

I started a book about you
Drenched in ******* sweat
And drunken verses that you would
Never really get unless
You took the time to listen
And hear me

The sizzle and crackle
Of everything about me
Burning

Because of you.

I only know how to
Write about heartbreaks
Or heart beats
And could have beens
Because you taught me that,
You showed me that
It wasn’t poetry until
I destroyed everything about me
That once was
That could’ve been.

I’m good at free falling
And floating
Pretty good at burning
Up for only you.

Textbooks tell me 

Nature is evolving 

Changing at such a slow 

And steady pace

That we cannot see the difference

From day to day.

I think-

I want so much more for myself

I want to be a hero

And a dreamer 

A believer

For myself.

I want to be something better
All for myself.

I get frustrated when 

I am forced to wait 

For the things that I want

For anything at all.

I think-

I am evolving at a slow

And sometimes steady pace

One day I will be

An ocean where there once

Was trees 

Like forgetting to crawl 

And learning to walk on two feet

I am changing.

It will show eventually.

your name rings so loudly
in my mind
that i cannot hear anything else

your touch was like a
roundhouse kick to my brain
short circuiting everything inside

your love was like a glacial age
your cold nature
****** everything in dry

your departure was like a nightmare
one where time is elapsed
and you don’t remember my name -

you don’t like me like that.

this kind of desperation gets repetitive
and i forget the words i used to know
just to make more space for your name

and it overflows from between my lips
and dribbles down my chin, to my pen
onto the letters i will never think to send.

you were the passing breeze
the humming sound of working bees
the touch and go motion of a strip tease  
like sitting in a waiting room,
hoping you will finally find me.