One fleeting chance to catch you between trapezes
Yet my head was bowed, my thoughts immersed
In another dream of another life that i longed to live
A moments lapse careers you to that downward spiral
Through all those safety nets, all those webs we wove
Once so secure borne from our labour, love and toil
Exposed now like a promise of night through a civil dawn
As you fall through each of my declarations of trust
You blow out the candles and knock out the lights
Of celebrations and occasions now shattered like glass

Blackness descending through this never blinking eye
As those moments and time perpetually relive yet resist
The blood still refusing to flow freely through my veins
As i sit and wait for this evening coffee to run cold
That i may embrace the sanctuary of night once more
For I was one that could never dream in the dark
No more than one who could ever make amends
Between those two trapezes that signaled our end

It's a heart on world with my sleeve steadily exposed
A life line on a call line, dial 888 to be controlled
Puppets on a string to compose this household
The happier we'll be the more we're enclosed

       Smaller spaces to lengthen the gap
       Encircling our inner self control
       Consuming what's left of the demons
       Trying to get a refund on our soul
      
Love changes colors like a rhyme
Smooth and easy
Eyes like the darkness of time
Slow and steady

Yet we're still not ready for the fight
Insanity walks through the door
And just when the time is right
Our beliefs slowly melt into the floor

I wonder what these clouds are
A veil or an illusion
Concealing away the blinking stars
Fading away the moon & sun

I wonder where the birds fly to
And where do they come from
Soaring together
I wonder what do they hum

I wonder what the lightening is
Welding the broken sky somewhere?
And what is the thunderous noise I hark
Dacoits firing guns in some affair?

I wonder who painted the sky blue
And who puts the rainbow there
Where the sun sleeps at night
And who blows the vibrant air

I wonder these things & many more
But do not have innuendo to
I ask them about it, they say "don't know"
I don't fathom how to solve without a clue...

*© by Ruman Hafsa

Bold innocence engulfed her system
As an unintentional injury severed their lives
Hope was cancelled
So was love
This radiant creation is the only aesthetic
Of his so called perfect existence
Lean, good-looking, brilliant, wealthy
This Adam was paved onto his own Eve
His fortune, his dream, his everything
Yet as this phenomenal experience shut her mind
The waves of memories still, relentlessly remind
Of the expression first splashed
when their hearts were winded as one.

Slowly, slowly, time is slipping away
Softly, gently, the clouds darken to grey
Quietly, eyes closed, shadows fade
Slowly, slowly, I'm going away

The smiling moon bobs in an out
of the crackling moonlit trees
Crickets chirping reveille
Farm boys awake to work the crops while
city boys roll over from too many porch shots
Moms kitchen filled with the scent of bacon
and eggs , sawmill gravy , grits and biscuits
Roosters announcing the dawn , howling hounds , idling tractors ,
The clang of hand tools , inquisitive geese chatter on the run , braying mules ,
Whoever said it was quiet on the farm was a **** fool

My utter frustration
lies with you,

the child I will never have...

You may come to life,
But I bet you will not.

Either way,
I would like you to understand why
So you won't have to ask me
haunt me
coerce me
force me
hurt me
lambast me.

I want you to understand.
I am not having you,
not because I don't love you.

I actually am not having you
because I do.

You see, honey.
I can never be a mother.
I want to be
but I just can't.

I cannot put you through
the same emotional turmoil
that made me decide
not to have you in the first place.

I cannot bear the idea
of raising you in the wrong way
because I have no idea what the right way is.

I cannot let you suffer
the same wounds that I had
as I tried to survive this life.

I cannot let you live.

I cannot
because if I do,
you would hate me so much
you won't even let me lick your wounds
the wounds I would have probably given you.

So honey,
I hope you understand.
I love you too much to let you go through me.
I am a wreck and I know it.

I am also sorry.
Sorry for not giving you a chance.
to live.
to breathe.
to run.
to play.

to live.

Your mommy,
your nonexistent mommy,
has gone so much pain,
heard so much bad words
it's all overflowing
from her mouth.

And honey,
she doesn't wanna let you hear them.
she will never let you hear them.

Don't worry, my baby.
No matter how much I wish to have you here.
I'll fight it.

To save you.
From me.

Because I love you.