no one wants you when you're dying. i made friends with the moon so that i would never feel that 3 in the morning loneliness again. you are the only thing i love that doesn't hurt me. sometimes i wonder if you laugh when you leave me because you know that if love were a game, you would be winning. i feel like i'm on a plane about to crash, but i don't care because you're holding my hand. once upon a time you held me tight enough to leave bruises and now that you're gone, they're all i have left. i pace the upstairs of my house for 33 minutes like i'm looking for something that i lost, and in a sense i am. when i talk to you, i ask myself "what's the point" and i've been searching for an answer since before i can remember. you paint pictures onto the parts of my walls that are cracked and bruised. you're making it beautiful as you tear it down. i am a forest fire and you are a rainstorm, and i want you to put me out.
you're my home but you keep leaving.

you give me your jacket when it's freezing outside,
and i want so badly to be better for you. you deserve
so much more than someone who thrives on saltwater
tears and the numbers on scales.

you hold my hands when they're shaking and i wish
that you wouldn't because you shouldn't have to take
care of me. you deserve someone that can look at the
world like it's beautiful.

i'm just so sorry that i can't be better.

it's the middle of the night and
you love me like it's your job-
but, hell, you're good at it.

i love you so much that i think
if you let go then the earth might
shift, and i would slip into something
more comfortable-
like the second layer of inferno:
painful punishment while i watch you
holding onto her instead of me.

(i'm a ******* but i have my limits)

your arms fit around me and i pray
they will leave scars so that you will
always be with me.

i feel like an angel that only feels pure when
the sky is full of smoke and i'm covered in
glitter and saltwater. i need you because my
world is a haunted house painted pink to match
my lip gloss.

i said that i wish my wings were made of broken
bottles and my heart was made of diamonds and
ice. i wish that i breathed smoke so i could make
you gasp for air.

i've never loved anything that didn't hurt me until i met you.

there are people and things
that take the pain away.

who tell you you're pretty
and kiss your lips until you believe.

who don't keep quiet when they see
your treasure map wrists.

who talk until 2 in the morning
when you need a distraction.

but even the most beautiful
stories have a last page,

and the ones who fixed the pain
become the ones who cause it.