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I've been here for several months.
I feel as if I'm being smothered by the horrendous scenery around me!
Nothing but walking corpses all fallen victims to "****" !
there is no gently
and no rowing on
this polluted and
half-dried stream

we survive only
by hydrating, but
if it's bottled up

then it must be
right and we're
'merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream'*



●○
°
i am afraid
to trust my
heart because
it has betrayed
me too
many times
to be fooled
again
but you don't notice anything of the sort
 Dec 2015 Medhina Khanal
Ken
I only miss you
when I wake
and imagine you
warm beside me
When my phone rings
but it's not you calling and
in the breath I hear you take
Before you say goodbye
when you pull away
knowing you have to go
your eyes shining brightly
with bittersweet light
walking down my steps
and turning to smile
When I close the door
then close my eyes
and feel eternity
the minutes after
you leave my arms
the hours, the days
the deathly quiet night
When I turn my head
and catch your scent
lingering on my skin
like the residue
of a beautiful dream
I only miss you
when I'm awake
these days i wake up and tune into a radio station, usually xfm, but sometimes classic fm, and i realise why i started collecting a personal collection of music, i can't listen to the gags and banter of the d.j. (whoever he / she might be), and the complete and utter lack of personal choice: added to the fact of advert interludes (which is a bit like watching turkeys being force-fed, even though you only hear the advert).

the more i do it, the more i tend to compare
it to the relentlessness of *slayer's
raining blood
in terms of the casual & hollow beginning
and then the thick fudge riffs of the act of writing.

so on the radio they're gearing up to christmas,
they have plenty of these soppy homelessness
adverts, they tap into the pity, like it's everyone's
fault... 'i lost everything, my house, my job,
i became a derailed train, sleeping rough...'
then you watch a programme and some homeless man
says sleeping on the street was better than
getting accommodation under a tyrannical landlord
where fungus due to moisture grows on the ceiling...
they have the same advert in switzerland...
by that company dignitas (dignity)...
and their slogan is so much better...
it's: don't bother / learn the pagan way / gain pagan courage
       when an emperor like nero tells a seneca
       to end the narrative.
 Dec 2015 Medhina Khanal
mikecccc
I love music
I like to hide
From my sour thoughts
In the beats of others.
Love is a silhouette
And she dances on my shoulder
Stability is a shadow
And he likes to play a game
Insanity is a ghost
I'll never see him tamed.
Lol
 Dec 2015 Medhina Khanal
Levi
Left in the dark
walking, crawling, crying
Out of breathe
trembling, suffocating, dying

A faint sound
beating, stimulating, overwhelming
A spark of light
running, living, smiling

A rose that grew through concrete..
Never give up.
Never stop dreaming.
a poet passes the baton / olympic flame to a poet in his posthumous work, not the work he was alive to be able to recite, it all happened with a book published in 1999, when its author died in 1994; the book was bought in glasgow, along with dostoyevky's the brothers karamazov (yes, i read it, ivan is my favourite), and rumi's collection of sufi verse.*

i dreamnt this night that i was at
my first poetry reading,
and due to the nerves i suddenly
turned dyslexic - which is odd,
because when i was leaving high
school aged 18, i did a reading
with parkinson's hands in front
of the teachers and the whole
of my year group and managed
to pull off the pronunciation.
when you ask me: how do you feel?
what i say is: I'm good, how are you?
when i really mean: I'm scared. of loosing the fight,
i  feel hopeless, i almost lost last night.

when you ask: do you want to eat?
what i say is: no I'm not hungry. i had a big lunch
when what i really mean is: yes. i haven't eaten in days.
please tell me to eat because i will if you tell me to.

when you say: you look sad, are you aright?
what i say is: yeah I'm fine. i just finished a sad book.
when what i mean is: no. I'm not. please help me because
i feel lost. and alone. I'm scared.

when you ask me: why don't you smile more?
i say: i don't know
but i really mean: i feel to alone to smile.
and i don't have the energy to.

when you ask me: what wrong?
all i say is: nothing
but inside I'm screaming: i feel like i can't breathe.
the sun is to bright it hurts my eyes. can you help me?

so listen to my words and if i ever say: I'm alright
know that I'm most definitely not alright.
its okay its not your fault you didn't hear
i hid my thoughts
but i live in fear.
yeah this happens on a daily basis
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