Today, you popped up on the "people you may know" on Facebook.
I paused, caught my breath, and was forced to look.
Because Facebook doesn't understand that you are not people I may know, but you are a person that I knew. A memory took me to a time that I forced myself to forget I lived through.

Yet here you are again, a small square picture staring back at me. And seven mutual friends have the memories of our life that couldn't be.

I remember how it felt to hold your hand, I remember those piercing eyes. I remember your broken smile, a smile I despise.

I remember the things you said, I remember my battle cry, I remember the glass shatter against the wall, I remember asking why.

And as I stare at this small square picture I can see you remember too. For everything that weighs me down, must also nag at you.

You left the person in your life who loved you the most. You said goodbye to the memories you became my personal ghost.

Did I pop up as people you may know to you as well? Does looking into my fake smile and green eyes ring a bell?

You took from me my happiness. You tried to ruin my self. You took my laugh, you took my tears, and made them a trophy on your shelf.

But I refuse to lay down and let you walk all over me. I refuse to let you bind my soul, I refuse to let you hold the key. I am strong, and I deserve more than you could ever see. I deserve it, not because of you, but for simply being me.

Today I saw you as "people you make know" on Facebook, it was quite the shock.
But keep in mind, Dad, I may forgive, but I definitely have not forgot.

It's days like this
that I miss you
the rain falls down
drenching the morning dew

I see the trees bend
this way and that
and my mind begins to wander
brings my memories back

Back to the moments
of laughter and smiles
if I could have that again
I would walk for miles

You would never know
the way my heart breaks inside
my eyes flowing like the raging river
the piercing cries that I can't hide

It's days like this
that make me wonder
what would've happened
if our love hadn't gone under

If you never met her
where would I be
would you be looking for someone like her
or would you still be in love with me

Our love would be the spring
the winter, summer, fall
was I not worth
giving it your all

It's days like this
when I see
the one at fault
was never me

You are the one
who never tried
didn't matter
how much I pried
cried,
lied,
died.

It's days like this
when I know
that words mean nothing
your actions show

It's days like this
that I'm happy you're gone
because this broken soul
is done.

What exactly is "awe"?
Is it something you feel
is it something you saw?
Does it lay in a sunset on a beach?
it felt so close, yet so out of reach.
Does it lay in the eyes of a child
as she discovers something new?
Is it forgiving other people
while receiving forgiveness too?
Is it watching a person grow
as they become a better person
than the person you used to know?
Maybe it's stepping on a stage
feeling excitement no matter your age.
Is it reminiscing on people passed?
Feeling their touch inside of you
a touch that will always last.
Is it touching hundreds of flowers
or laughing for the last time in your last hours?
Maybe it's in music
the beat inside
the wonder glowing on your face
a glow you just can't hide.
None of these answers are wrong.
Find it in a setting or in a song.
No matter where life may take you
make sure you find the wonder
in every little thing you do.

Does "I love you" have an end?
Is it saved for your spouse,
or that special friend?
When is "I love you"'s expiration date?
Is it written on a memo
that I received a day late?
I was ready for my "I love you"
to sing a thousand songs,
While your "I love you"
led me to a path of wrongs.
Regret, pain
everything inside.
These are feelings an "I love you"
can never hide.
My "I love you" showed in my face
it was more than just words.
It was almost as if it was in the wind
carried gently by there birds.
You could find it in my smile
turn over a fallen leaf
it was a sure promise
a promise I could keep.
It kept me going
no matter the day
and when I said it
what did you say?
"I love you too".
You said it first,
who would have known
how three words could lead to a world of hurt.
If I would have known
the last "I love you" said
would have been the finale
I could tell you the thoughts in my head.
Please don't leave.
I beg you to stay.
Please don't through my "I love you " away.
I don't use it loosely
I want to hold you close.
Your touch was what
I longed for the most.
But where we are now
I guess all I can do
is hope you love her
as much as I loved you,
and that she will love you too.

Why do you do this?
Come to me
tell me I'm what you want
tell me everything we could be.
I began to believe
the words you spun
instead of putting myself first
you became number one.
I felt the need to protect it
this little comfort we made
I thought I was helping you
but I needed to be saved.
As it bubbled to the surface
a time bomb ticking
I never saw
the poison at which my heart was licking.
The toxicity eroded
at the heart I had built
and from you
not one notion of guilt.
I wanted to save us
I never stopped trying.
You destroyed us,
you're the reason I'm crying.
And as my emotions
swim the depths of the seas
what gives you the right
to be who you want to be?
How dare you
take me for granted.
May I remind you
it was my second chance I handed
to you. And you destroyed it
ended up playing, hurting, and
toying with it.
Breaking me down into nothing
whatever nothing may be.
You wouldn't know
because you don't feel like me.

Reaching for something
but not knowing what
wanting to love you
but deep wounds you cut.
It may not be surface
It’s more than skin deep
as I hold all the pain
you no longer keep.
I’m drowning, please help
you have the key.
Pick up your lifesaver
and throw it to me.
I know you won’t save me
I need not to try
but when I remember us
I feel the need to cry.
My heart is still beating
the pulse like waves
approaching the beach
remembering the paths we paved.
You do not understand
the level of love I hold
but you walked away
leaving me in the cold
and I begged you to listen
I wanted to yell
but the look on your face
I could already tell
we were done.
I couldn’t fight
for two years
I tried with all my might
but you looked me in the eye
and as cold as could be
said the story you were writing
no longer included me.
So here I am alone
wishing our hearts still beat as one
having to accept the face
that everything we have is gone.