Maybe it’s the fact that it’s 4:03am
but the ghosts of her past are catching up again.
She wants to forgive herself for the mistakes that she’s made,
but she’s her own worst critic and she thinks of all those she may have betrayed.
Tonight her sadness is her blanket and guilt is her insomnia keeping her awake,
and her tears are drowning her; she’s breaking down, there is unfortunately no mistake.

We are talking about poetry

He is restricted to a black stroller
counting cheetos with
cheese-dust coated fingers
humming numbers, while
his papa leans on
his own crossed arms
eyes closing for too long
to be considered blinking

Seven cheetos

Let’s return to the poem
on page 238 in the book

now six cheetos
and five and his father
starts snoring

It's 5am and she is awake
Something woke her from her fitful sleep
She wanders the halls
          each step getting colder
Taking in the photographs on the walls
She sees a smiling beautiful couple
She wonders if they're  not just the doppelganger, their double
           she sees movement out of the                       corner of her eye
She stops to stare at one in particular
Back then, her hair fuller, nails thicker  
          a soft, cool breeze upon her neck
Then he fell into the water, never to come up for breath    
Since then, she too has wished for death
            she believes she hears his voice whispering in her ear
Today though death will not come
              "I am here waiting for you to come to me"
The sun is up, death is again gone 
                *she turns her head, nothing to see

It is Thursday
when you go to the store
declaring your identity in the world again
You have always been hungry
now your stomach is too

The store is flooded
with white light, except the produce section
which has dim yellow lights
wood floors and black tables
where you squeeze each pear

              Remember that Sunday
               your bed was an island
               you thought about
               calling out from work,
               thought about the boy
               next to you, still holding
               your hand while he was sleeping

The green pears
only come in organic
cost a little more and
probably taste the same as

               Two weeks later he picks you up
                 to wander around that big apple like worms
                drinking coffee and talking about
                how useless is the penny
                how you both never need change

The brown pears
that are much cheaper
because they aren’t as bright
but they must be just as juicy as

               Drinking ***** infused with mint and cherry
                 in the theatre parking lot – you
                complain about missing the previews
                 laugh about how you would have
                 kissed through them anyway

Canned pears
that never rot
floating in their tin coffin
with their skin already peeled

               You take down every photo
                 t-shirt, sticker, love-letter
                 but not the driftwood
                 he found and gave to you
                during that first walk together

You don’t pick the green, brown, or
canned – deciding you want
any other fruit

Shadows dance around the walls
Down the corridor through the halls
Looking for a sleepless soul
To prey upon their helpless call

Covers pulled up nice and tight
Won't help the dammed through the night
With wide eyes darting all around
Ears pricked to the sounds

Lights flicker as they pass by
Shadows zoom right up high
Cackle laugher and bumps on the door
Hide under the bed cry no more

The night will pass and of they go
Just hope your here come tomorrow
For they will come back again
Riding high on hells fast train

STOP IT
STOP MAKING ME PICK UP A PEN
STOP MAKING ME THINK AGAIN
STOP MAKING ME LACE MY HANDS TOGETHER TO REVISIT HOW IT FELT TO BE YOURS
STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU
STOP THE SALT OVER MY CHEEKS FROM BURNING HOLES IN MY SMILE
STOP DOING THIS
WHEN WILL IT STOP
9 MONTHS AND 5 DAYS
WHEN WILL YOU GO
I BEG OF YOU
ALL THIS POETRY IS PATHETIC
*******
I LOVED YOU
P L E A S E  J U S T  S T O P
stop not loving me,i need you to love me.