He gave me a rose,
With his smile, sweet and grand.
But though he meant well,
A small thorn peirced my hand.

I guess I won that stupid fight of "I love you more."

96
     97
         98
             99
Counting to one hundred where
My heart will be just fine.

It's incredibly sad,
How much damage can be done
To a heart like mine
With a few simple words.

There's an ache in my head.
An ache in my heart.
And though I'm told they're there,
I can't see any stars.
One face turns away,
Another
And another.
One seems to want to stay,
My heart is being smothered.
And I don't know how to save it.
When the face, once so kind
Stares directly through me
And into another's eyes
One face turns away.
Then another
And another.
Until, to my dismay,
It's just me alone, as the darkness
Stays and hovers.

I told him I was fine,
But then he looked at me and said:
"If you're going to do that,
Then I want you to take my arm,
and cut as many times
you would yourself",
I stared in disbelief.
Told him I couldn't,
Couldn't cause him such harm.
Not ever.
Then I suddenly froze
Struggled to breathe, struggled to speak.
Lost feeling all the way through my toes.
In that moment, I saw it,
Deep in his eyes.
I finally understood.
And I stopped telling lies.

I can't eat.
You think that I'm stupid,
But it's no small feat
Because though I can feel my stomach shrinking inside me,
I am stuck on repeat,
Starving, ignoring, forgetting
Yanking with this sharp leash
Saying don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat.
Because maybe then I'll have some control.
Or the ugly will go away.
Maybe the black, consuming pain
In my heart,
Will finally turn to gray.