the truth is
i love you

and i am fully
aware of my
disadvantage

how did you know
i needed to feel
beautiful
today?

How can i show you that i love you?
Sunsets, water fountain views, playful bare feet
And giving you half my gum stick.

How can i show you that i mean it?
Long hugs, sly winks, my finger tracing your smile
And cherries in your stomach.

Quick
Skillful haste
Be ready
Sharp and eager
Move and
Divide
Move and
Decide
Move or
Die

if your purpose is vague
your voice is vague
your dreams are vague
your wanting is vague
your hopes...

if your giving is vague
your pity is vague
your sight is vague
your tears are vague
your love...

if your cry is vague
your memories are vague
your meaning is vague
your taking is vague
your breathing...

if your prayers are vague
your faith is vague
your understanding is vague
your asking is vague
your future is vague
then your God is vague too.

allowing to
be pulled
flesh from bone
bone from soul
flesh being selfish
flesh being
eaten up
by God

Happiness is
dancing in the
darkness
and exhausting
yourself
in the chasing
of your dreams.

i dream to hope
and to hope is to believe
and to believe is to take
that next step, that next breath
to truly breathe without lungs
to truly see without eyes
to pray with unkissed lips
to pray to Love, to have love
to believe in love
to hope in love
to dream…

i have
to be
kicked,
pulled down,
dragged out,
shoved,
bumped,
squeezed,
rammed,
and broken
to change.

it must be time to change.

I
Want to
Be
Beneath you
Pulling you down
For me to step
Higher onto your ledge,
So I can scream down at you.
So you can feel how it feels to be me.
I
Want to occupy
Your vacant space
To show you
What it feels like
To be beneath
And hate.
I
Want to cut you
Into bite size pieces
And paste
You on the bottom
Upside down
Suspended and
Begging for help
But not getting it…
Until you’ve had enough
Or I’ve had enough
And finally reach down
And pull you up
And put you back together
And hold you
And kiss you
And look you in the eye and say
“See?”

winter has come
empting your nests
exposing bone
revealing weakness.
as the rot of cold
sets in, the birds
flee your
ribbed cages,
taking with them
their songs, and
leaving behind
your desire to escape.

there is a time to scream
to break things
to smash and rip apart
there are days
where it's required
to grieve the lonely
child inside
the one who
never got attention
sometimes the dark corners
don’t get the attention they should
sometimes they collect the dust
and crumbs that others
leave behind
sometimes the sun cannot
give you a promise that it will return
sometimes there is enormous
terrifying uncertainty

so unravel
but know that there is a God
who is fully capable of putting
you back together