It is 12:29 a.m. and I can't stop thinking about you and everything you did and it's making me ******* sick. I want to tear you from my mouth. I want to reach down inside of my throat and rip you out. I want every trace of you gone. I want to slice myself apart. I want to live in a body you've never touched. I want to live in a body that hasn't even breathed the same air as you. You are a disease, you are a disease, you are a disease. My veins are itching. My head is burning. I am filled with so much rage I'm terrified of myself. I banged my head against my bedroom wall so many times I've lost count but I haven't blacked out yet so I should probably keep going because no matter what I do I can't escape that ******* night. I wish I had never been born.

When no one else was there to save me,
it was.
It always wraps me in its warmth,
Listens to my every sob,
Pats me in sympathy and comfort.
It's been my lifelong friend.

Most kids are afraid of the dark,
But really there's no need.
Darkness has always been my friend

Time,
Where I used to find my rhymes with relative ease,
But lately there's been something haunting me,
Making me blind to the pictures plastered on the inside of my eyelids
It wasn't always like this
The words used to overflow from the tight confines of my mind
And now they're getting hard to find,
The length of time between each coherent rhyme has steadily multiplied until now where I can only truly define one singe line at a time,
People keep asking me, "Why don't you write more?"
Because honestly writing has become a chore, until now
Because instead of searching the insides of my eyelids I'm going to pry them open,
Because love is a gift, love is a token
The beauty of her eyes, the beauty of her mind,
They might as well write their own lines
Poetry is inherently the language of emotion,
Anger, anguish, lust and beauty
But you can see none of these if you don't open your eyes,
Experience
Life
And write down every word you find

I sat for an hour in my car, in the cold, in the silence. I went through pictures of us until my thumb went numb. I let the life drain out of my phone battery and then I let it drain out of me and then I began to cry. I don’t know why I get so sad sometimes, I just do, but I wish I could stop it. How come every time you drive away it feels like I’m never going to see you again? How come my heart breaks with the weight of missing you when you’re only a room away? I don’t want to need you. I don’t want to do this to you. I love with no point of return and no intent of returning and you ripped the map up the night I made you laugh for the first time.

you inhale more smoke
taking more small steps to death
to feel more alive