You know how Emily said Hope is a thing with wings?

Well mine is nosediving and I can't believe how much it stings.

Despair it grips my soul,
And all I hear is screams.
They always echo on repeat and swallow up my dreams.

I used to love your arms around me.
Now they are suffocating.

I used to believe in one and only-
Now it just feels lonely.

I used to imagine a white wedding,
Now that thinking is steady resetting.

I used to do anything just to see you smile,
Now I know I haven't made you happy in a long while.

I used to believe in magic. Now it's all just noise.
Once the static passes, it's the silence that destroys.

I used to be a hopeless romantic-
Now I am only just hopeless.

Loss
chip
Violence
nic
Trauma
chip

With each chip I find it harder to feel.
Every nic makes my world feel less real.

Bruises
nic
Scars
chip
Tears
nic

Each more takes a bit of my heart.
Tearing me even further apart.

Betrayal
chip
Abandonment
nic
Loneliness
chip

I am losing myself it seems.
On this path of shattered dreams.

crack

Each one a new crack in my foundation.
Till I come crumbling down.
Just a linear step to stagnation.
Losing my words--they're all I have left.
Now I am stuck praying for damnation.

crack

I am slipping. Further away.
Lost in the memories of yesterday.
I have lost my voice-I don't know what to do. What to say.

shatter

I stomp on my broken pieces just to relive the pain.
I worry that I am too broken and just a touch insane.
'Cause I need a little sunshine to balance out this rain.
They say it just takes a little bleach to take out the bloodstain.

I am slipping through the cracks it seems.
But I want to glue the pieces back together.
I want to to be free and chase my dreams.
But my moods are changing like the weather.

I just wanna be lighter than a feather.

I am tired of carrying the pieces around. Some pieces already lost and won't ever to be found.

Can I just grind them to dust and blow them away? Lessen the weight of what used to be.
Can I craft a new vessel and gain the power to be free?

Free of all the broken bits of me?

Blank canvas, layers, peeling, past pains, loss, just a little paint thinner to wear it all down.
Gonna paint the next layer thin, again and again.
So it doesn't hurt as much when I peel it all off.
Blisters under my nails.
Stinging tears.
I have only one canvas and it's painting all my fears.
Weathered wood and fraying ends.
This is where it all begins.