I try to make you laugh as much as I can.
Still you sleep.
I have trouble dozing off.
To catch the part of my dream you laugh the hardest.
Soon as I am out good.
I wake right back up.
Aware that there is no such sleep.
Still I try

And I look into the depths of your eyes
In search of the truth,
But I can’t read them.
I can’t find anything that makes sense.

I do not know how you feel
Toward me,
Toward us.
So when I look into them,
Gaze into them a little too long,
And you ask me “what? What is it?”
I say “nothing”,
Because I can’t bring my lips to ask
What my eyes wish they could see
And that is: “How do you really feel about me?”

There are moments I wish to forget
There seem to be vestiges of you everywhere
That I see things not as they are
But a shadow, a spark, a thread of you

It's been some time
Enough to think I was okay
Then one day I smell your scent and your vague image slowly turned into my sharpest memory

Or maybe you were always the clearest memory
Which I chose to hide in the closet
Because I know I couldn't forget

But this is how I want to forget
I wish I could open the door and not think of the last time you closed it
I wish I could say goodbye without hearing you say it back

And these aren't all
I find myself hoping I could put all the happy moments behind
Because they were hard to beat and I never felt the same

Sometimes I wish
I could listen to a song and not hear your voice singing it to me
And read a book without seeing your delicate fingers hold the pages' ends

I wish I could wake up and not see your smile shining brighter than the sun
Or tuck the blankets in without feeling your arms wrapping around me

But I know
I know I can brave this world with just the precious memories of you.