mother spills lies from her wine stained lips; the ones that I used to kiss goodnight.
"I love you," she says, but she'll do it again.
she'll shatter my heart and walk upon the broken glass, ****** feet and wondering where she had deceived me; but she's only deceived herself by shooting up another time.
going to drug deals at only age five, I grew up too fast and there's a world of chaos inside my mind.
the pain lashes out on me like I've been hit on the skin with a rubber band.
my toes sink in the sand and I stare into the ocean of the disease, she's drowning in the water but she knows how to swim.

this cigarette that I press against my lips, will do way less damage to me than you ever did.
the taste will reside in my mouth momentarily, but it will vanish unlike your cherry chapstick that I'm trying to forget.
smoke clouds swirl around me before the wind blows it all away— reminds me of the lingering memories of you I can't help but to replay.
I might have a smokers cough someday, that's still better than enduring constant heartbreak.
the pack in my back pocket is the only sense of relief I get from the agonizing daydreams, I still see how your dress ended at the seams.
I was temporary to you, but you were permanent to me. . . exactly like all my bad tendencies.

you will feel the wrath of guilt when her hands take you into a choke hold,
when it's 3 am and you can no longer run from the amount of lingering regret you want to repress.
I hope you allow yourself to grieve because you will look for me in every soul you meet.
new love interests will scare you senseless,
you feel sick because there's possibility you will rip apart their cotton candy hearts,
as you once did to me.  
you want to believe that this all was a dream,
that's it not 3 am and you can fall asleep.
I torture you and we don't even speak,
it's because you have drown me in the ocean of heart break and it's too late to resuscitate me.
you have failed and you feel it now,
every ounce of you is guilt consumed.
this is your humane senses coming through,
I don't view you as a demon,
as much as I would love to.