i'm not good with words
no matter how much i pretend

i wish they mattered more to you
when I said them in the end

in being looser with my words
i felt restricted with my heart

like all the things i said and did
didn't know where to start

i don't want to need you like this
i don't want to hate us both for the way i can't think of anything else
but here i am

you have to know
the touch of his hand
means nothing to me

i hate the way he looks at you
even if he doesn't know
that your hands were made to find mine in the dark

i miss my parents
and the way it felt to be little

i am not supposed to be jealous
not when i have all this

but she gets to be closer to you
and for that i am remiss

A little darker still
I like to think of light

A tinge, a flicker, a thought, a scope
something-  I need to ignite

I like to think about the sea
and the rebirth she represents

all my air- inside these lungs
filled with things I dreamt

the air is salty as well,
just like the rushing below

I sit, I peer, I pray, I hope
the tide won't let me go

I want to believe in the every
even when I cant

Darker than Emily herself
who notices the slant

the wall's not dark
not muted in depth
not pitch enough to squint

but still it seems- I cannot bear
to see what I have left

the distance won't be fun
i think we both know that
but if you're really going
please, dear god, come back

I can hear the train from my window,
I keep hoping you're on it.
Call me up, I'll buzz you in ,
I'm in my heart-shaped locket.

I don't do this
I'm not super cool with vulnerability
but I think that I like you

Sometimes I pre-write my texts in the notes app
only when it's risky
hey, here's the thing,
I know that I like you

I don't know how this will go
that's whats so scary
all i want right now is for you to say
hey, I think I like you

that'd be good enough for me

I think about you
all the time
but what if thinking is the only part i'm good at

and to be fair,
i'm not even totally convinced that thinking is my strong point
because every time i wait for a reply
i'm convinced it won't come

i'm scared, i don't like wanting to hear-
your thoughts, your voice, your words
but i can't help it

It's easier to see through glass that hasn't shattered
I look to the ground, the broken mess
Everything is scattered

I see your smile
I see your light
The way you'd kiss my cheek

I see your fist
I see your swing
The way you think I'm meek

It's easer to see through glass that hasn't shattered
I look to the sky, the reflecting light
I see what should've mattered

there's a girl
i know, i know
that's always how it starts

it starts off sweet
but soon we meet
each others broken hearts

no one taught me how to accept help
so please, take it easy on me
we both know i need it

what do we do
with the hope that's hinged
between our fingers

i wasn't expecting to see you so soon
that's always how it goes
but there you stand, across the field
and every feeling shows

i shouldn't have let you walk away
i know that to my core
it's one of those universal truths
knocking down my door

the sun will rise, the tide will recede
and i will always know
I let you leave, it seems to me
that was not the right towel to throw

our memories flood my mind
the second i see you there

as if your face were the trigger on a gun
i didn't know was aimed at my heart

I'm in the check-out line when i see them
the rows are all aligned
i'm older now but still i think
this is how it was designed

I see your face in that room
as if it's frozen in time
and to some degree, i guess it is
how my heart wills to rewind

the way you laughed at me
when I told you what i thought
I felt the ground begin to shake
and knew that I'd been caught

The check-out line progresses now
as does the time between
what i meant and how you felt
still remains unseen

I see the way he looks at me
or at least I think I do
I catch him looking to my eyes
but only cause' i'm looking too

I should've said something sooner
but didn't know what to say
I was overtaken by the melody
and just wanted to hear him play

I thought the song would stop abruptly
If I interrupted the tune
you got nervous
I lost service
and felt the weight of June

the song still hums faintly in my ear
the rhymes that were not read
though time moves on and lamps still light

I know what I should've said.

inhale

i do this thing a lot
where i imagine an impossible scenario

a prince in a nice suit
a goddess in a flowy gown

waiting to whisk me away

but the truth is
i'd rather it play out in my mind than risk being vulnerable with another person because the sheer thought of intimacy shakes me to my core in a very anxious way and im not sure that anyone will ever love me because of my unwillingness to feel or express my emotions.

exhale

time passes like sand

every small moment
every glance your way

builds to the beach

I long for a love I cannot name
because we haven't met.
I think I see you everywhere
especially in the yet.

I met you, yet, you're infuriating
I see you, yet, I'm blind
I thought I knew you, yet, we're skating
Yet's my curse to bind.

As soon as yet overwhelms me
like it always does
I try to leave it all behind
forget about the buzz.

Surely this can't be love
I thought I knew it, yet
I long for a love I cannot name
Because we haven't met.

I'm afraid I'm broken
but in the same way that shattered glass
catches the light

every sunset
i turn to the west
giving the fire a message i hope it can relay
when your dawn breaks tomorrow

i put all my hopes into the sun as it travels
hoping it can hold on to my feelings just long enough
for you to bask in them

if you want to
that is

Sometimes when I look up at the stars
I feel so small
like an ant from an airplane's view
or a grain of rice on the sidewalk staring up at
the top of the empire state building

sometimes it's scary
sometimes it's comforting

I can't explain it
but sometimes relief is in the unknown
and when I look into the constellations
it feels good to not see myself
like i'm unimportant and unremarkable

in the best way possible

Everything is in the almost
I could probably leave it at that
who we are and what we have
is determined in the flat

Everything is in the almost
like the way you shy away
I'm edging closer
full disclosure?

I really want you to stay.

Stars die from the back,
I didn't know that at first.
Shining forward for all of us,
while living with their curse.

Humans have learned from the stars,
In ways more than one,
but where we part
is in the start
where our light begins to grow

My heartache develops like film
I have to send it in
I don't own a darkroom
or a place to process whats been

The jury's still out
on if the pictures will hold
I mailed them off
I sent them in
hoping you'll be enrolled;
and
waiting for me in the negatives

I like love poems,
it appears way more than you.
You say they're filled with lies,
but what if they're all true?

Why can't the roses be red?
Who said the violets aren't blue?
What if the best love poem of all,
is the one for me and you?

The sun isn't afraid to rise,
I know that in my heart.
for when it climbs
I know inside,
new challenges await.

The sun isn't afraid to shine,
I know that in my bones.
for when it gleams
it seems to me,
opportunity is all around.

The sun isn't afraid to set,
I know that in my soul.
the day is done
we have become,
who we were meant to be.

The road, like the past, is twisted.

I'm always moving and bending,
going from here to there.
Traveling a highway of memories,
hoping they'll lead somewhere.

The ground may be bumpy,
and things often seem unkind.
But more often than not, I see,
our roads are intertwined.  

So why not get in the car with me?
Our fate has always been sealed.
"We're not meant to ride together" you say,
I guess I'm supposed to yield.

The road, like our past, is twisted.

When I was younger
I never would've dreamed
that the stars we see each night
were stills of you and me

Light never asks permission,
when piercing through the dark.
It rushes in with courage and pride,
and the unlit must disembark.

Dark doesn't pause for consent,
when slowly filling the space.
Touching and floating to every corner,
dampening every place.

These two things are forced to interact
just as you and me.
When time goes still and light recedes
will we be able to see?

A single lightbulb is held captured by the ceiling,
a lone switch to determine its fate.
Oh, how I bracket with that bulb,
and what it means to illuminate.

The sun has no off,
but the means to have it all.
I, however, am full of levers,
and choosing to let my light fall.

A single lightbulb is captured by the ceiling,
and unable to flip the switch.
Try though I might,
There's not enough light
for me to see you.

Take me to the lamppost
Where my heart goes to gleam

Replace the fire with the spark from the sea
See the way she radiates back at me

Take me to the lamppost
Where the light has dimmed

See what once stood bright and constant
now holding only things that became dark and exanimate

Take me to the lamppost
Where memories of the light

Try to hold on best they can
Though loss is drying, blurred in the mute sand

Take me to the lamppost
To what once was gold and blazen

Remind me of what used to be
Fire kindled through glass; and see!

Take me to the lamppost
Where I yearn to see the light

That was once within.