long hair cut short.
apology after apology.
jackets often worn,
if not, sweaters or
long-sleeved tops.
anti-social,
not because
i hate people,
but i fear they hate me.
isolation in my bed,
sometimes,
panic attacks
in the bathroom.
constant overthinking,
whether 3 am or 3 pm.
scribbles thoughts
into poems,
but hides them.
pushes away,
even though i want
to pull them closer.

rhyming perfect
sounding meter
in sacred pounding
rhythms- true
synchronized
circadian beating
of my soul intwined with you

this is the sound
of the harmony
of two hearts
who love divine

it is the loving
ardent cadence
of two hearts
now keeping time.

Ma Cherie © 2017

I can't handle it
After all these years
I can't handle you
The pain, the dreams, your scent

I can't believe it still lingers
the warmth of your skin
The scent of your perfume
Your voice in my head

I thought you were finally fading
Turns out I only pushed you away
Put layers of other things above you
Thought I could finally deal with you

You came back
Without a warning, just like that
From normal to not being able to sleep
From nothing to feeling you in all of my dreams

I can't handle this
I don't know how to do it

It's the same intensive longing
I miss you so much it really hurts
Im afraid you're ill or married
I'm terrified you got a kid
Without me
I can't even think about the possibility that you may no longer be alive

I need the door to be open
Cannot explain why
I can't have it wide open and I can't bare if it's closed
It just needs to be ajar
Possible for me to open when i need to
But not wide open because I still don't understand what I feel for you

the wound is unfathomable
still open wide

i thought it finally started to heal
suddenly i find myself bleeding again

i cannot bare this pain
if only i knew what it meant
if i understood it, i could heal it
but i never managed to understand this

me'elek?
mish hader
ana mish hader

i cant do this. i cant go back here again. its way to deep, to painful, to fresh.

i dont know how to let it heal
i dont know if i should open the door wide or smash it closed
i dont know which one i would regret the most

you know the look
the look
when you feel eyes on the side of your face
but you're not completely sure
so you turn
instantly catching them
looking
their addictive
ice blue eyes
staring
and then quickly they're gone
looking somewhere else
like the floor or  
out the window or
pretending to be deep in thought
but
you know that they've been looking
because you've caught them twice before

He almost liked her
She almost waited
With all that they were  
They almost made it
And bright would have been the burning of there star had it not faded