I feel the the air around me brushing lightly, lovingly against my skin.
As I'm slowly making my way down to whatever awaits beneath me, I hear your voice in my head telling me I'll be more than fine.
But for some reason, I believe you.
I feel at peace.
I know I can trust you.
I've never felt so.. oddly certain.
I should be questioning everything.
But instead I feel no reason in my gut, body or soul to doubt you. Or anything else for that matter.
I give you the power to destroy me or make whole. You have decided to do none of the two.
But that doesn't bother me.
The anticipation doesn't get to me.
You do something to me that I have yet to understand.
Strangely.. I'm okay with that.

Maybe, if I scream someone will hear me.
Not to have the impression that I'm going insane.
Let all out the anger.
The hurt that has been placed inside of me.
If I scream at the top of my lungs, would you understand?
That's its not your fault.
It's my own for not saying what's on my mind when given the opportunity.
I feel I could have changed what is now my reality.  
To change the outcome of all is going on around me.
Maybe if I scream, I'll wake up in a panic to find it was all a dream.
A chance, a clean slate.
Having control on how all this affects me.
Maybe if I scream... you'll hear me.

‎You looked at me with a look of curiosity.

I never wanted to be the one you pushed

away at the end of the story, but with such

bad-luck, look where it got me.

I never meant to string you along like a

puppet, or even lead you on with a kiss,

as much of a slight regret, I still got

pleasure out of it.

I never wanted to be the one you had to

avoid when you walk past, the person you

wish you could take back,

or even a common mistake, a waste of

time, is it sad that I wanna call you mine?

I never wanted to be the one you "thought"

you knew, but the one you knew you

wanted.

I never wanted you to doubt, only if you

would've waited around..

This agony in my soul is what keeps me writing about the things that matter most.
The little green in my eyes are what keeps me thinking, I'm not like anyone else.
I may walk away but you can't see the eyes covered in the sea but only the shadow that follows me.
You can't feel my pain boiling my blood.
You can't read the thoughts in my head that only you would dread.
You take base on what you feel & what you see without any evidence to complete your theory.
Keep in mind, you'll never fully know "me."

That knot in your stomache you can't shake off.

The feeling of loneliness you thought someone would brush off.

Instead, you sit alone, guilt exposed.

Should've thought about how life would be when you left her side, lost her heart.

The light to your darkness disappered.

The grip you felt when she pulled you from hell.

~C☆J~

Your beautiful  brown eyes leave me breathless.

When I look deep inside, I leave my world of care & stress.

Dark & moving, they make me gaze with wonder.

When they look at me, I feel upbeat & happy.

I long to discover what is hidden behind the unreadable & straight faced.

Warmth surrounding me, reminding me that I'm safe.

Brown eyes, you're beautiful & you're mine.

~C☆J~

Fearless thoughts you wish you could say.
Play with your tounge, misleading your intentions.
As you sit silently, as each letter of each word lingers around you like a snake
waiting to devour its prey.
A little voice whispers "Are you happy now?" as I walk away,
Slipping from grace, existance erased.

~C☆J~

It used to be that I'd follow your shadow as you walked ahead of me.
You're taking that ability for granted.
Instead of following you into the shadows of the unknown,
I find myself moving the opposite direction.
I now walk a new path with no trace of your existence lingering in my soul.
A path I may call home.
~C☆J~

You hide behind a wall.
Wear a mask & act as if the world is as you want it.
Your sleeves & jeans hide the scars that can't be seen.
Your face with such a thin layer of lies fools everyone without the need to second guess.
You hide so deep as if you can't be seen.
The wall with poor construction, begging to be broken down but no one stands up to the plate.
No chance is made.

~C☆J~

See that girls face with a rose in her hair?
Trying not to shade a tear.
She's hurt from inside & out.
Over a boy with so many doubts.
Insecure love is all they could find.
With a touch of a finger, their minds are blind.